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How do I get my daughter to stop bullying my younger daughter?

My 9 yr old daughter constantly bullies my 6 yr old daughter, but does it behind my back where she thinks I dont know whats going on. She tells her that if she doesnt do something then she will hit her and gives her to the count of 3. I DONT under any circumstances believe in spanking so I just dont know where she is getting it from! My 9 yr old hits her, kicks, spits in her face, trips her, degrades her. They are both in therapy and we have therapists working with us, but she is just getting out of control.

Ive talking to her explaining to her why its wrong, time outs, early bedtime, grounding. Im at a loss at this point. Its to the point where I dont trust them playing alone together! Any advice would help! Thank you!

 
dolphingoddess

Asked by dolphingoddess at 6:45 PM on Apr. 1, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 14 (1,430 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • I'm glad you took them to a therapist. Even though I'm older, my sister was like this, but there were times that she threatened to cut me in my sleep!
    you are doing the right thing by getting them help, my mom didn't, she felt that her kids were too perfect for that sort of thing, and at the age of 35 my sister beat me to where it took months to physically recover, and it's taken 2 years for me to really be able to go hardly anywhere alone because of PTSD.

    wish I had good advice, but I'm afraid that I can only give you a example of what could happen if the girls don't get help.

    out of curiosity, what does she say when you ask her why she does this? It could help me a bit to hear someone's response to this.

    good luck!

    ItsMe89

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 6:56 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • my mom used to make us sit in chairs facing each other holding hands!! not sure if that will or not but just had to say that i personally hated it but it made me think twice about doing it again.
    amberpaiz

    Answer by amberpaiz at 6:48 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I hope the therapists help. Have you tried taking away THE most important thing in her world for punishment? That's what worked with our kids. Every child has that thing which is most dear to them. And it doesn't have to be a toy. it could be an activity, a snack, whatever. Make sure each is getting one on one time with you and your SO also. And praise when they do things right. Just ideas............
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 6:50 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I just happened to remember that on Supernanny she had the family play games together in teams. And then alternate the team members so that the kids were teammates every so often to foster cooperation.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 6:51 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • My kids actually dont respect anything that they have..their attitude is "I dont care what I get taken away, we just get more things from other people anyways" If you try to talk to my oldest she laughs in my face or my fiances, even when the kids therapists are here she does it to them too. We have tried games..Its a rule they have to play at the kitchen table (find pieces easier) they manage to lose almost every piece to every game..I cant tell you how many times I repeat buy games and buy new ones. Its discouraging
    dolphingoddess

    Comment by dolphingoddess (original poster) at 6:59 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • ItsMe89: I am very sorry that you have gone through that. No one deserves to go through something like that. My girls have been through hell and back..they are on the right track right now though..they have been in therapy for 2 yrs now.

    I ask my older daughter why she has her sister get her the things she demands and she says its because she doesnt want to get in trouble for bringing things into their room that they know that they arent allowed to have..she thinks my younger daughter would be too scared to say anything to me or my fiance, but shes wrong.
    dolphingoddess

    Comment by dolphingoddess (original poster) at 7:09 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Maybe you SHOULD try spanking.
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 7:10 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Personally, I would spank her butt! Every single time she bullies her sister! She would stop if she knew there were gonna be consequences like that!
    A.Perry

    Answer by A.Perry at 7:28 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Her father did that a few times (when he was in the picture) and she went straight into school saying he hit her (him and I were separated at the time and living separately) needless to say DCF was called..I dont need that right now..im just running low on ideas of how to control her.
    dolphingoddess

    Comment by dolphingoddess (original poster) at 7:40 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • I mean I know spanking may or may not work, but since you've said you tried everything else, why not ship her off to military school? Might do her some good.
    Imogine

    Answer by Imogine at 1:23 AM on Apr. 3, 2011