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What is your view of moms that become gay? Would it be too hard on my children?

I've had no one since my husband passed 3 years ago, my children are 5, 6 and 8 and barely remember him. I've always had feelings for women, but always pushed them back for the sake of my religion as I'm scared of hell, I really am. Recently I met a woman and I can't envisage spending my life with anyone but my husband (who was my best friend from when I was 5 but I have to move on, one day maybe) but she expressed an interest in me (I'm 25 and she's 26) and I think she's beautiful and wonderful and I hang on her every word and I feel like a lovesick puppy... She's never had any type of female partner either so she's pretty scared too so really we're in a muddle. Then I think will this make my children more likely to get bullied? Is this wrong? Am I wrong? I just don't know what I'm thinking. I can't stop thinking about her, I've never felt anything like this before in my life, she makes my heart skip yet I know it's wrong, but I don't live in that small town anymore, I don't need to have that mentality but I do and I'm scared. Views? it's okay if you disagree with it I just want to know, I know that I'm jumping the gun but my head is racing.

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:47 PM on Apr. 1, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (11)
  • I think your children would be fine. There are plenty of gay couples bringing up children. It is getting more mainstream and I don't think the other kids would give your kids much of a problem. Do what makes you happy :)

    Answer by ashisamom at 6:49 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Well I think children are much more resilient than we give them credit for. I truly believe there are just some souls that are attractive or you feel pulled to and it would matter if they were male or female. I'm happy with my man but like you have always been attracted to women as well and didn't act on it. I'm crazy in love with my man and love sexually being with a man but I have to say I always have that feeling in the back of my mind wondering what it would be like to be with a girl. BE BRAVE and if you feel this way, go for it honey. I've been bisexual all my life - my honey knows this about me it is no secret but I don't act on it because I love him and have no desire to be with another - however it is a nice fantasy for us. There is a sexuality spectrum and I suspect you lie somewhere east of straight like me but not quite ever gone to gayville. If this person makes you swoon then give love a chance. hugs

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:52 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • You are being WAY too hard on yourself. There is NOTHING wrong with what you are feeling. I know several Lesbian couples with children. As long as there is love, compassion, warmth, etc. in the house, they will grow up just fine. And, they will grow up regardless of your sexuasl preference. Take it slow. Get to know each other, have dates. Invite her over fordinner or movies and popcorn. Make dates with the children and her. See how they get along. If the feelings are real, it will grow and be strong, and the children will see it. If anyone says anything derogatory about the relationship, feel sorry for them. Live your life the way that makes you happy. If you're happy, the odds are that your children will be, too. Go for it. Give it a try. If you don't try, you will wonder for the rest of your life. Blessings to you.

    Answer by Kimimale at 6:56 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Love is beautiful. I agree with Anon, kids are resilient. I say go for it.

    Answer by texasgurl33 at 6:57 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • Take your time with the relationship and wait to bring your kids into it. I dated someone for six months before bringing them around once. Your kids will get over you being gay. It's all in the tact you use in your relationships and this goes for straight relationships too.

    I do agree with another mother who suggested a counselor. Talking through your feelings and motives and especially resolving your religious conflicts. As a christian I can seriously relate to your fears but I don't believe that gay people go to hell for being gay.

    Answer by kayslay at 7:01 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • There's nothing wrong with you starting a relationship with a woman, and its too hard to say how it will affect your children. A friend I had in high school had no problem with her mother being a lesbian and none of the other kids every said a word to her about it, on the other hand my aunt's ex-husband decided to stop hiding his orientation after the divorce and only dated men - one of my cousin's wasn't bothered by it but her brother was, though I think that is in part because his father treated him like crap and I believe my cousin's views against homosexuals is because of his anger/hatred for his father. I think if your children see you happy and are raised to embrace the differences in people they will be fine. As far as your fears of hell I wish I could help, I don't believe gay/bisexual people will go to hell.

    Answer by anon1986East at 7:15 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • There is nothing wrong with the feelings you have for this woman, what has been wrong is you repressing your instincts. There is nothing to be scared of except missing out on a great relationship that your heart is telling you is right. Your kids will benefit from a happy and content mom, and they will adapt once they see that is love bonding you.

    Answer by older at 7:35 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • then ur parents ever tell u thats wrong to be with the same sex uuhhh thats nasty...u gonna confused the kids ninds too that is so unfair,,,

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:47 PM on Apr. 1, 2011

  • children are teased for having gay parents. they are also teased for having glasses, braces, being over or underweight, being smart, being stupid, looking less than ideal, looking better than ideal...
    as the child of a bisexual mother, i am NOTHING but proud and happy for my mom that she was always comfortable being who she was. in fact, i would much rather have seen her and a particular girlfriend of hers work it out than see her continue to date men that sucked.
    PLEASE do what makes you happy. if your children grow up seeing you pretend to be something you're not, that's when they're gonna have problems. good luck.

    Answer by shilohsmama425 at 6:07 AM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • You could try and see how it goes. But I wouldn't move in with her right away. Go on some dates, try out some of the physical stuff together, but don't confuse being lonely and horny with being in love. Keep your wits about you. If it is meant to be, it will be. You don't have to rush into anything. And why not date some men, too? Don't limit your options.

    Answer by lilangilyn at 11:10 AM on Apr. 2, 2011

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