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TTC AND ADOPTION???What do you think is right??

Do you think its fair for a couple to actively , knowingly TTC while pursuing adoption? Personally, I do not. I know of alot of couples that do this while having issues with TTC...I feel like its a race to see which child they'll get first..I think you need to do one at a time. If you are ttc, wait until you have decided to STOP or put it off for a while THEN adopt. Adopting a baby needs all your time, devotion and energy...


Asked by Anonymous at 1:47 AM on Nov. 29, 2008 in Adoption

This question is closed.
Answers (15)
  • I think it's okay depending on their reasons for choosing to adopt. If their reasoning was purely due to infertility and that was almost their "second choice" than I think it's sort of wrong. If they were planning on adopting no matter what, then that's okay I guess. It just bothers me since everyone preaches adoption with unplanned your child to a childless couple etc., yet that childless couple is trying to conceive still? I think if your adopting due to infertility, you need to be 100% okay with your infertility before proceeding.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:40 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

  • I don't know why one would have to cancel out the other? Either one could take years (if you have fertility issues). Why should you give up on having a birth child just because you were blessed with adoption?

    Answer by Mishelly728 at 1:50 AM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • hmm..I have never thought of this one. I guess I can see some controversy in it like if an adoption was about to go through then mom became pregnant and bailed on it. That would be terrible for the adoptee (and the agency I imagine). But I also see how desperation can influence people to try all options available to them. I don't know. Good question, though.

    Answer by MammaMia72 at 2:46 AM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • If you were an expectant mother considering adoption, and you ran across a couple you like but they told you they were actively ttc and pursuing adoption to "see which would give them a child first" wouldn't think twice???
    If you placed your newborn and then 5 months down the line they come up pregnant and your baby is put on the backburner by the aparents because now they are having a child of "their own" would you be upset?? Doesn't your baby deserve to be the only baby for atleast a little while???

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:56 AM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • Having a child and adopting a child can take a great deal of time and if you're the person you should be, you'll have plenty of love for both babies if you adopt and conceive.
    Many people do have time against them...if you're 45 and have no children and are doing both, isn't that wise? What if the adoption were to fall through?
    I don't see the issue.

    Answer by Jill42721 at 3:38 AM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I don't see a problem with doing both. As long as the amother is up for all of it. I had an eleven month old and a newborn and if you met my daughters you would know neither one is lacking for attention and I was doing it alone. I really don't think parents that know they can have bio children would do an agency adoption, its expensive. And foster care adoptions, you don't usually get a baby. I think some birth parents think that their child will get everything from their aparents attention, love, spoiling. And that is an illusion. And I think most parents if they were adopting and got pregnant would not give up on their adoptee, lots of parents care for twins, triples, and so on. Two babies wouldn't be very hard. Hope this makes sense.


    Answer by matthewscandi at 10:48 AM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I dont really agree with TTC as in going through invitro or other advanced infertility methods at the same time that you are matched or newly adopting. I think that you need to resolve your infertility prior to jumping into the emotions that come with adoption. If the pregnancy happens the old fashioned way, then I dont think that is as much of an issue, but I think the expectant Mom has the right to know.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:49 AM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I agree with Anon 8:49.

    If a couple is faced with infertility then they need to deal with that first and foremost instead of "seeing which happens first". One or the other.

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:25 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • Okay, OP. Which one of my girls should I give up? My adopted daughter who was born in March of 2006 or my biological daughter who was born in September 2006? They are 6 months apart, both are very well loved, very happy little girls, and I can't imagine life without them. I'm sorry, but I really find your post upsetting. Perhaps not all people can devote the time or attention to adoption and/or TTC, but many, many can. Perhaps we should consider giving our 8 year old away as well because TTC and the process of adoption might have taken away our time with him as well. [yes that was sarcasm]

    Answer by mommytoadam at 5:52 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • mommytoadam, you're just going to have to get over it. Its MY opinion and you can not change that. Did anyone say anything about you giving children away? No. MY opinion is actively ttc and actively trying to be MATCHED with a child IS WRONG. IN M Y OPINION. If you don't like it, I'm sorry. Stay off the thread if you can't handle a difference of opinions.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:05 PM on Nov. 29, 2008