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Does anyone else ever feel jealousy because they are a step-parent-because they didn't get to do it (have a baby/be 1st wife etc) all first?

Do you think it is possible to have a close relationship with the ex and work in an extended family dynamic?

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cafekel

Asked by cafekel at 11:51 AM on Jun. 19, 2008 in Relationships

Level 1 (0 Credits)
Answers (7)
  • It is very possible, but as a step-parent there are boundries. You can't assume you are now the new-parent, and that you can do things better than the mother. For as a parent, someone will always be critical of what you do. When I was a step-parent, I knew that she was the mom, and I was the dad's partner, so I knew my boundries, and the big issues were left up to them to decide. I just followed their rules when it came to their child.
    Ifiwereabook

    Answer by Ifiwereabook at 12:48 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • Ugh, I hate to admit it but I have that problem all the time... sometimes I don't even care that I didn't do it first, just that I didn't get to do it. I tend to get really angry towards his ex for having the perfect life (in my world) and throwing it all away leaving him the worse for wear...
    mishkaa

    Answer by mishkaa at 12:49 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • In a way I used to be. My husband passed away a few years ago, and I was the "other" wife.... He was married for 18 years before he met me, anyway I always used to hear "you and Lori" this and "you remember when you and Lori did this or that?" and I used to get so mad! I was ALWAYS being compared to her by their mutual friends..... the ones he had left anyway. I am just so grateful now for the few short years we had together anyway and all the jealousy means so little now looking back on it. It was just my insecurites and the green eyed monster rearing its ugly little head!
    Mommy-Again

    Answer by Mommy-Again at 6:21 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • sorry it cut me off! Anyway I raised his daughter for 4 years. Her mother wanted nothing to do with her other than on the holidays..... Especially mothers day. I was the one raising her so it should have been me and I guess I was jealous that I didn't have his baby 1st.......
    Mommy-Again

    Answer by Mommy-Again at 6:24 PM on Jun. 19, 2008

  • In response to the second part of your question (Is it possible to have a close relationship with the ex and an extended family dynamice?):


    I have two step-wives. The first, my ex-husband's new wife, is wonderful. We go out to coffee together and talk every week. The second, my husband's ex-wife, is completely intolerable.



    I actually wrote a funny-because-it's-true/sad-because-it-really-IS-true essay on this dynamic. You can read it on Associated Content here.

    jarethamarie

    Answer by jarethamarie at 10:18 PM on Aug. 16, 2008

  • I dont get jelous of his ex wife,because i have something she doesnet.........Her ex husband!!!!!!!!
    lifeisgood176

    Answer by lifeisgood176 at 3:14 PM on Nov. 8, 2008

  • i get jealous because, i wanted the life they had to gether with him, i know i'll get hte whole marriage ( no more kids my choice) and everything, but i get ticked when i sit and think, she had his last name first, an she still goes by his last name...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:42 PM on May. 29, 2009

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