My husband and I were doing amazing in our marriage up until last October when I became a stay-at-home. He got a good paying job that allowed me to quit mine and finally stay home with our boys. I fought for this for a long time, and because he is one who feels comfortable with having a lot of money, he always fought me on the idea. It seems like ever since I've been home, and not bringing in as much income (I watch a little boy and still make a little money), he hasn't respected me as much, and he also doesn't take my ideas or suggestions into consideration when it comes to spending and saving our money. He recently spent $4,000 without even discussing it with me. That hurt! I told him this and it just turned into a huge argument, basically resulting in him disregarding my feelings.
Two weeks ago he got a promotion, making great money! I am happy for him, but our marriage is sh*t now. All we ever do now is fight about money, now that we actually have money to spend and save! I want my input to matter, I want my ideas to count in regards to how we handle the money. Instead, he seems to make all the decisions, and doesn't once think to ask me what I think. A few weekends ago I finally told him my feelings on all of it, and because he was mad at me, he said VERY hurtful things. Like that I don't know what hard work is, and he'll just quit this job so I am forced to put the boys in daycare and find a full-time job. He says he didn't mean it and that he was just mad, but he seems to say the things he truly feels when he is upset.
This is a huge deal because we are trying to save money so we can sell our current house and buy a new one. So I'm not wanting a say in the money just to have control, I just want to make sure we are on the same page when it comes to a budget and our monthly payment for our new mortgage. Last night I got upset because he told me some of his plans with the money, but didn't once ask "What do you think?" or "Does that sound good to you?" He just told me how it was going to be. So when I asked him if he was going to ask my opinion on it, he just rolled his eyes and made a comment that I "all of sudden" care about the finances, where was I the last 8 years? There were no finances to care about before! We lived paycheck to paycheck and HAD to pay our bills, there was nothing to discuss.
In the end, I don't feel like an equal to him. I think he thinks less of me because I am not a working mom (he claims he doesn't, but actions speak louder than words!) and he doesn't EVER talk to ME about our money situation. I am an adult, I am responsible, and I CAN make financial decisions. I feel like he thinks that because HE brings in all the money, then HE gets to make all the decisions. Am I wrong to be asking to be an equal in all of this? I feel more like his child than his partner lately and it's really taking a toll on me. Life would almost be better if I just went back to work, then maybe I would get a say in things. On the other hand, if I was forced to do that, I would really hate my husband for it getting to that point, and I don't think I could be happy with him anymore. I'm already getting to that point, I'm not sure I want to do this anymore if I can't be seen as his partner and 50% of the equation....
I've run out of ways to tell him all of this, and I'm exhausted trying to talk to him. I have NO idea what to even do anymore....
Answer by gammie at 10:52 AM on Apr. 2, 2011
Answer by heratyc at 10:59 AM on Apr. 2, 2011
Answer by shay1130 at 11:00 AM on Apr. 2, 2011
Answer by shay1130 at 11:02 AM on Apr. 2, 2011
Answer by charlotsomtimes at 11:05 AM on Apr. 2, 2011
Answer by LoriKeet at 11:13 AM on Apr. 2, 2011
Answer by shay1130 at 12:53 PM on Apr. 2, 2011
Answer by Inloveagain at 1:05 PM on Apr. 2, 2011