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confusion..husband and porn? part 2..

cont..

i feel bip0loar sometimes against this though.. sometimes i'll see our computer history all deleted and usually means he watched porn and it bugs me when i see this even though i accept the fact that "it;s okay" in our past he did have a fetish to look at woman "w4m" on craigslist and i had found out and was totally hurt..now that i can't say its "OKAY" and i trust him that he does not look at that any more so i guess from that i am a bit shaky on porn alltogether.. how do i get myself to get over this slump and just accept it..any advice ladies? thanks

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:21 AM on Nov. 29, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (7)
  • sex, porn, etc., is an addiction just like drugs & alcohol. If you are uncomfortable that its ok...your trying to be real about it and rationalize his habit. that is good, but if it still bothers you then listen to your gut instint its trying to tell you something that your not really wantin to admit to yourself...listen to your feelings. my soon to be ex is/was addicted to meth. once that problem had been confronted and controled, thats when i realized that the meth habit was just a cover up used to cloak his sex addiction. not saying that is the case with your hubby, just saying that sex & porn is also a type of addiction. many guy suffer from this afflection. just a suggestion...
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:35 AM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • How can it be ok one minute and not the next? you can't have it both ways.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:10 AM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • tell him that you want to watch what he watches (at least 1 time) so that you understand what he's into and what turns him on.....hopefully that will help you feel less self conscious about it, but know that if it turns out that he's into something you find offensive this feeling will only get worse.
    Kimebs

    Answer by Kimebs at 8:32 AM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • If you're okay with it, then stop looking at the temp stuff to see if he's deleting it, problem solved.
    A lot of people are not comfortable with porn but you have to make up your mind one way or the other. But I recommend that you say it's okay and just stop looking at the history, because he's going to look at it anyway. I am not in to the fetish stuff at all and used to be totally against porn but now, bring it on, sometimes there's some things on there that I might actually try and I can see what it is that turns him on the most. If you asked him about it and he lies, then you have a problem but with you changing your mind he's not sure what to tell you to not have an argument.
    lisa_ann_p

    Answer by lisa_ann_p at 9:33 AM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • You shouldn't have to accept it. Period. Sorry but I don't care what anyone says. I know porn leads to desires and those desires will lead to actions. Some men might not ever let it get that far but most do!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 10:58 AM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I don't accept any of this.. Because if you come on here and talk about it, it means that you are very disturbed by it and rightly so! A woman does not have to put up with this stuff. I agree with the above, porn is an addiction, just like alcohol and drugs.. even sex. If something bothers you, it is not right (FOR YOURSELF) to ignore it or believe that it is okay. You are doing damage to yourself. I would give him an ultimatum. This stops, or I go. I have seen alot of women confused on this issue. Porn is not okay. It is thoroughly degrading to women. No woman actually wants three guys at a time. If most of those girls had as many sticking out as they had sticking in, they'd be porcupines! No, I don't think it's okay... I feel very strongly about it too, if there are children in the home. If they see stuff like this, it only confuses them.
    pupmom

    Answer by pupmom at 12:00 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • You have three choices, you can try to get him to stop watching it. You can accept it or you can leave. I am 100% against porn of any kind and I find it deeply disturbing that women say, oh men will be men and they look, wow what an ignorant statement. It's no wonder women are still considered second class citizens. I don't know which is worse the men that love to watch women make money by being whores or the women that say it's ok that their men contribute to it. Porn does more harm to a relationship than it does good and anyone that wants to refute that statement needs to do their own research.
    The fact that he is hiding it from you also says alot. I'd wonder what it is exactly that he doesn't want you to see.
    legalmommy101

    Answer by legalmommy101 at 12:43 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

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