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13 Bumps


combingAdult Son who's 20 years old,  lives at home, has a good paying job, but likes to stay out late weekdays, and on weekends may not come home til the next day or by Sunday.   Mom feels he should at least call and say he isn't coming home, and give a  hint as to where he is?  Mom feels this way if something happens she at least knows some of his whereabouts?   Son says he coming home, but then doesn't. He feels cause he's 20 he doesn't have to state anything.   What are your thoughts?     Bump for others to see please?    csjoy1

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Asked by csjoy1 at 2:21 PM on Apr. 2, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Level 10 (450 Credits)
Answers (44)
  • I lived with my in-laws and had to check in with them at 21 so yeah.. I think it is only fair that he lets you know how long he will be out so you know when to worry and when not to.

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 2:22 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • I think that since this is clearly a problem, they need to come to a decision together. Is the son paying rent? I really feel like this should come into play. If you were renting your room out to someone would they be required to check in? Probably not, unless you have to lock the door and it can't be opened from the outside. If he just crashing with mom and dad, the appropriate thing to do is give them the courtesy of a phone call letting them know they can lock up and go to bed.

    Answer by kmstockwell at 2:24 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • I lived with my parents until I was in my 30's and I let them know where I was going, who I was with and when I would be home. I live on my own with my son now and I still call and let them know when I am going out.

    If he is living with you he needs to be respsectful and let you know what's going on so you aren't waiting and worrying.

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 2:24 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • I lived with my mom until I was 19 and I worked and had my own car, but if I went out she knew approx when I'd be home and generally where I was going. If he's still in your house, then he needs to respect you. If he wants all the freedom of answering to no one he can always move out. I'd set boundaries and if he doesn't comply take his key away or something so he can only get in when he says he will be home. It's not like you're setting a curfew for him or anything.

    Answer by bdflykisses at 2:25 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • Absolutely. If you still need to receive the "benefits" of a child, i.e., being supported, then you have not yet earned the "rights" of an adult.

    Tell him that is he wants to not check in with anyone, he needs to move out on his own. . . . then, he can truly be an adult.


    Sometimes, they need a little kick in the pants.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 2:25 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • Now, if he is paying you rent, then you can't request that he calls, because he is supporting himself, technically.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 2:26 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • you're in my house, you go by my rules....

    Answer by June_Mama09 at 2:26 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • It's not about power or being nosy it's about common courtesy! My 20 y/o son will text me (so he doesn't wake up the whole house by calling) and let me know if he's not coming home. It's not fair to unnecessarily worry your parents when something as simple as a text can ease their minds & let them rest peacefully at night. 


    Answer by mrsmom110 at 2:28 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • I believe that it is only out of respect for you and your home, he should call and let you know his whereabouts or if he is coming home! I have 19 year old twin sons and we live together and they still let me know what they're doing and where they will be. It will give you some peace of mind and at least know where he will be if anything does does occur!

    Answer by impsug1 at 2:31 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • I got married when I was 20 and I had a curfew even on the night before I got married, no joke!! I feel like as long as you are living under your parents' roof, you owe them the respect of at least letting them know if you're not coming home so they are not worrying. Mothers NEVER stop worrying about their children.

    Answer by Bethsunshine at 2:33 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

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