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I feel like my ex is trying to run my life.........

We have a 4 year old DD and he is in the army, stationed about 4 or 5 hours away. He can't visit every other weekend but currently, our order is every other weekend during the day (sat and sunday from 1-5 pm). Anyway, 2 weeks ago he came to town, didn't come see her, went out with his friends all weekend instead. This weekend, he didn't even show up, I called is a few hours ago and he got pissy when I asked if he was coming. Then he demanded that he have next weekend instead. I told him I'm sorry but that is my weekend and we have plans as it is Easter. He will be here from friday to monday and I said I would try to work something out so he could have some time on monday but that he has no right to DEMAND this time since it is not his weekend. I understand that the army won't let him go every weekend but he knew that 2 weeks ago when he came to town and hung out with his friends instead. Anyway, now he is saying that when we go to court, he is going to ask the judge to order that he get whichever weekends he can come down (so, basically, I can't ever make plans on the weekends with my child unless he tells me he def can't come (which he won't find out till no a week or less before hand). I don't think a judge would order this but I don't know, has anyone every heard of that happening. I just don't think it is fair that I have to drop my plans with my DD anytime he comes to town. The other thing is, she would never be able to know for certain about birthday parties as all her friends are either my friend's children or family so my ex wouldn't be welcome to taker her to the party (as she is 4, parents usually stay).

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Asked by JLS2388 at 6:50 PM on Apr. 2, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 25 (25,280 Credits)
Answers (5)
  • No he cant do that and a judge doesnt care if hes in the army. Its a job, and its like any other job. More than likely with his inconsistent visiting and I hope you are documenting facts like him hanging out with friends and not visiting he may get less time with her. You need to get a notebook and start writing down every phone call, what he said, every missed visit, everything. You dont have to give up any weekends that are yours. It is his responsibility to make time for his child. There are plenty of men in the military who do.

    Answer by gemgem at 6:54 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • Well, he'd have to pay to modify the order, for one. Second, I don't think a judge will do that, if you don't agree. In Oregon, where I live, a judge will only grant joint custody if both parents agree.

    Answer by JustCantWait88 at 6:55 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • No, a judge will not order that.

    Answer by meooma at 6:56 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • i hate to say this but he has a point the army is not the greatest at telling them before hand when they are gonna have DONSA days or time off. And it will be even worse when he deploys to make time for her so you should suck it up and deal for now. I get that his approach is not the best and it stings that he is town and doesn't see her. But the military isn't gonna see it that way and they will probably give him time that wont work with your schedule. Just remember this is for her and what is best for her. I am a military wife and i have two children that have fathers that live quite a distance away from us but i sacrifice alot of things so that they can have time with their dads. It's a part of life.

    Answer by amberpaiz at 6:56 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • I get the military Life style and all. BUT,,,,,, HE CANNOT CHANGE UP OR DEMAND SHIT FROM THIS WOMEN. They are not together for a reason and just cause HIS JOB requires certain things from him ON DUTY... doesn't mean that he can DRIVE to the town of HIS DD spending THAT TIME DRINKING AND PARTYIN WITH THE BOYS AND THEN THINK HE'S GONNA SET SOME RULES ON HIS TERMS.... NOPE... I don't think so. He life no longer revolves around him. * if it were legit * then it could be up for a happy medium.

    Answer by kkbird at 7:38 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

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