Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

7 Bumps

Am I taking this too lightly????? adult content

My DD (17) called me last night saying that she thought she needed a doctor. She had just had sex with her boyfriend for the first time and was bleeding quite a bit. I took her to the hospital (being that is was a night and I could tell that, with the amount of bleeding, something wasn't right). So anyway, as it turns out, he is just a little bit bigger then the average guy (didn't see it, just what the doctor said probably happened) and she tore. She thought the pain and bleed was the normal first time stuff, so didn't think anything was wrong. She needed 2 stitches but other then that, she will be fine. While we were at the hospital,(boyfriend came too) her boyfriends parents called, they were out for the night and I made him tell them where we were (I wasn't going to allow him to lie about where he was with me right there). Anyway, his parents rushed to the hospital, and kept apologizing and insisted on paying her copay. I am not happy that they had sex or anything but they did and this is what happened. Maybe she will think again before she has sex but it's not like she was in a life threatening situation. Were they over reacting or did I under react?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:05 PM on Apr. 2, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (23)
  • No you didnt under react. She is of the age to consent you arent talking about a 13 or 14 yr old girl here. And obviously she felt safe enough to tell you too which is a great thing (Good job mom!). ALOT of people these days though dont know what they are walking into and some families would have gone through the roof. That is probably why they freaked out. I have sons, and believe me I have dealt with some moms out there who are out of their minds and out of touch with the realities of their daughters.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:08 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • I think you taking care of your daughter and not allowing her boyfriend to lie was a very good mom thing to do. I don't think the other parents should have to pay the co-pay unless the boyfriend is the one who's helping pay it. After all it was the teens decision to do what they did. This is a crazy story, but I'm very proud of the way you handled it! *hugs*
    bdflykisses

    Answer by bdflykisses at 7:08 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • I don't think you under-reacted. Freaking out wouldn't have helped the situation; by keeping your calm, you kept the line of communication open between you and your daughter. You need to have a talk with her about things like using lubrication, waiting until she is fully aroused, and how it _should_ feel when you have sex, because I'm sure no one wants a repeat of last night. It's probably a much more uncomfortable conversation than "how babies are made," but try and get past embarrassment and have the conversation.
    SWasson

    Answer by SWasson at 7:11 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • This thing happed to me and all my frnds that I know them this is just normal
    reem114

    Answer by reem114 at 7:14 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • Be happy that she came to you. that says tons for your relationship. And I agree she is not 13 or 14. All you can do now is just be there for her and make sure she is being safe..
    gutterflower585

    Answer by gutterflower585 at 7:16 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • First of all, good job, mom, for raising a daughter who was comfortable coming to you with this. Second, good job, daughter, for having a boyfriend who gave a crap and came to the hospital with her. That really says something about the kind of man he is. Third, it's not HIS fault that she was hurt, it happens sometimes and his parents were being really silly to want to pay for it like he was a kid who broke a window. They are all but adults and made a decision to have sex. It's not a huge deal. Third, I totally agree with SWasson. Have a talk with her.
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 7:17 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • laughingOMG... Im SO glad Im not you.... boy oh boy oh boy.  I know it isnt funny but what a hell of a deterrent!!!!


    Hugs hugs hugs... that must have been one hell of a night... I have a 16 yr old and can NOT imagine what I would do.. mad, scared, sarcastic, angry, hurt, a myriad of feelings all at once.... Im not sure which feeling would surface first  


    I actually have a friend with the exact same story... but she was much older.  She healed fine (now in her late 40s) and has a normal healthy sex life... but that DID put her off sex for a while... we can only hope its the same for your daughter.


    Hey... but be very very very glad that she CALLED YOU and talked to you... at least she knows you will always be there for her.

    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 7:19 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • Good job Mom, you know how to pick your battles and your daughter trusts you, that is saying a lot for both of you.
    QandA

    Answer by QandA at 7:21 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • I agree with all that ati-3 said.. but think that it is fine that they offered to pay. they were probably as shocked as you were with what happened.
    sahlady

    Answer by sahlady at 7:21 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • It sounds like you have a wonderful relationship with your daughter! Props to you for not over reacting, and I certainly don't think you were underreacting. If this were me, I can only hope I would be so calm (as someone else mentioned with no sarcasm, etc). Sounds like you probably have a pretty open relationship with your daughter and frequent dialogue, but I would have a follow up conversation with her and also schedule her with an OB/GYN. What a lucky 17 year old :) (well other than the stitches)
    LoveBuggsMommie

    Answer by LoveBuggsMommie at 7:23 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Teens (13-17)
Do you still spank

Next question overall (Adult Children (18+))
How would you

close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN