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My Ex, my Daughter, my sister VS My Brother, his wife & Me

I am divorced from my abusive husband, I have three kids ages girl, 26, boy,21 and my youngest girl 17. My ex has negatively influenced my kids against me through the years, they live with him because they are disrespectful. Just recently my brother called up the house to talk to my son and my ex answered the call. My brother then called back to get a number in order to reach my son. My ex was arrogant to my brother and accused him, his wife and I of jumping my son, My brother told my ex that my son hit him & was threatening me, my ex then hung up on them. My brother called back and my oldest daughter answers and tells my brother and his wife to f---k off. They called the police. I called my daughter about her disrespect and she tells me it's none of my business, then hangs up on me! I then get a call from my sister who is mad at me for defending myself! Any Advice?

Answer Question

Asked by Momof1015 at 11:24 AM on Nov. 29, 2008 in Relationships

Level 2 (6 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • It sounds like as long as your children are living with their father, they will continue to be influenced by him. I would step out for awhile. Maybe send a card occasionally saying i love you but try not to fight in any of the situations. Why are the 2 oldest still living with him?? Are they not mature enough to be on their own??

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:29 AM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I agree with the above poster, but if he is abusive, why let your kids live with him?

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:30 AM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • The 17 year old is considered old enough by the court to decide which parent she wishes to live with, and the 21 and 26 year olds are legally adults and she has no say over where or with whom they live. I would just try to stay out of it. In a few months or at the most a year or two the "children" will come to realize their father's game and come back to their mother with apologies. As fot the sister, she has no right being involved in any way, and really, even though he's on your side, neither is the brother or his wife.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I'm sorry to say this but this is what happens when children are in a abusive environment. The only advice i have is to let them be. It would hurt especiallly being there mother but what could you do when they want no part of you and the family who cares. I do know one day in the future they would see what they done and regret it or go thru what you want thru and see what was the reason behind everything. I send you blessing and strength to be able to handle to sistuation.

    Answer by crystalrico at 1:34 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • At their age it is pretty sad they haven't figured things out already. I would stay away from them, send gifts or cards if you want but by mail, don't go near them for a while. It will not be easy obviously since they are your children but they are old enough to take care of themselves. Perhaps with you out of the picture for a while and your ex not having any situations with you to misconstrue and exploit in his favor they will see the truth. Good luck!


    Answer by Tawanda74 at 1:48 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • Sounds like some hillbilly mess that will never be resolved. The kids are old enough to decide things for themselves.

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:12 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I think they probably decided to live with them for good reasons. It's hard to say for sure not knowing the whole situation and only hearing you're side but I would assume that you and your children are not close for a reason. I'd say your best bet is to just back off for awhile. Try only doing positive that rather than being argumentative and accusing. You can't force your children to respect you.

    Answer by munch12502 at 9:26 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • My two oldest children manipulate my ex and my sister. If they cause problems for me and I take a stand they run to my ex and my sister and tell them a different story, then my sister calls me and gets mad at me as if I were the problem. The reason my brother and his wife were involved is because I asked them to watch over the house while I was in the hospital. They caught my son bringing his underage friends into my garage with a case a beer. He was 19 at the time. This is one example of the problems I have had to deal with. If you take a stand, they get disrespectful and will begin to threaten. My son has also stole my car and it was inpounded, I had to go to court and pay $1400.00 to get it back. I made him pay for it which he did, but the problems didn't stop there. He was also arrested for shoplifting in three different stores. These are some of the reasons why he moved back with his father.

    Answer by Momof1015 at 8:47 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

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