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Those of you ladies who have stayed with a cheater...

to be honest, i really shouldnt feel this the beginning, i have cheated myself....but around 4 months or so into the relationship, i stopped because my SO confronted me and i realized that i did love him and didnt want to lose him. i truly wasnt ready for a relationship in the beginning ( i had JUST gotten a divorce), but my SO gave me an ultimatum to commit to him or not be with him at all. i agreed, but then contunied to see a few other guys for the first few months. when he found out and was crushed, i realized that i really wanted only him.....he had been cheating during that time too, but i am able to let it go because i was doing the same....after i recommited myself to him though, i have been 100% faithful and refuse to even entertain the thought of being with another man, eventhough i've had plenty of opportunities. the problem is that while i was pregnant with our son, he actively persued another girl to the point where i was ready to leave him. he would lie to me all the time about where he was, spend time with her while i was at work, and talk and text her all day. he tried to kiss her and she pushed him away and said she was only inerested in friendship, yet he STILL kept persuing her. eventually i told him that if he ever had any contact with her again that i was leaving and taking his (then 2 mo old) son with me. since then i have not had any hard evidence of him cheating, but there have been several occasions where he has had repeated texts deleted from his phone or facebook...there have also been rumors that he was cheating during a 2month hospital stay i had while fighting cancer. im an emotional wreck and suffer from bipolar disorder...i truly love him and i know for a fact that he loves me...but i just want peace in my life...i want to not worry about his cheating anymore....99% of me believes that he would never cheat again, but that 1% still lingers and rears its head when im depressed. if you have stayed with a cheater, how did you learn to let it all go?

Answer Question

Asked by LoriaAnn at 9:39 PM on Apr. 2, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,028 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • I'm sorry, but this relationship was screwed from the beginning. There was too much water under the bringe before you even got serious. I'd move on and go your separate ways. Just because you stopped the behavior doesn't mean the other person is over it.

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 9:50 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • Well the fact you admitted your mistakes and changed your ways and stayed faithful to him thats great but if your still having douts about him try to go to counseling. It can help ya'll both. If he has nothing to hide then there is no need for him to delete anything from the phone or computer and if he really loves you he will be honest with you and agree to go to counseling with you. I try to give good advice and in this situtation i think you have a chance of saving ya'll's relationshipe has long as he is willing to do his part to. It takes 2 to make a relationshipe work and if he doesnt do his part and you find out he is cheating then he doesnt know what love is and to help you stay strong tell yourself everyday that you made changes and make sure you have forgiven yourself and everyday tell yourself Im worthy of love and Im worthy to be respected. God bless you and your son and your boyfriend.

    Answer by Amanda2634 at 9:51 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • haha! bridge~ not bring!!!

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:00 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • I can't really relate. I've been cheated on before once and I left him and never looked back. I'm now with a MAN who actually commits himself to me, and our child who will be here in July 4th :) I hope you figure out what you want to do with this because nobody deserves to get so hurt. Nobody deserves what you are going through. Bless you mama.

    Answer by jessiskinner200 at 10:15 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • my bf was talking to another female while i was pregnant. it was never anything but on the phone but i flipped out. she was a kind person. i didnt flip on her, we talked for like an hour. i was readu to leave him. i told jis mom i was gonna drop his stuff off and if she wanted to see her granddaughter all she had to do was call me. as for him he had no where to go. when i met him he was sleeping on his friends couch and living a party life and not talking to his family. he's changed so much from the begining. he knew he'd go back to that and lose all contact with his family. he realized what he'd lose. i do feel sometimes its hard to trust him, but i try not to show my insecurity. i learned to give him sometrust to start with nd hes been gaining it back. we are open about what had ha[ppened and what will happen if it ever happens again. It really is best to be open.

    Answer by minki111 at 10:16 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • I stand by once a cheater always a cheater. man or female. why would he stop??? He just got better at covering it up... if HE has to delete texts, and FB comments etc.... The coffee has brewed so to speak. YOU know in your gut the truth.

    and once you have CHEATED.... it doesnt matter if its 2 yrs down the road.... its always in the back of your mind and the always wondering when its gonna happen again.

    Answer by kkbird at 10:44 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • This relationship is doomed. End it now once and forever and move on. Trust is essential in a committed relationship, without trust there is NO RELATIONSHIP.

    Answer by meooma at 10:56 PM on Apr. 2, 2011

  • I have stayed with my man, And he has cheated more then once. And with more then one female. But. I have two children to him. And I have no where else to go. I cant afford to live on my own. And I LOVE him. But the thing you should ask your self is this.

    Can you live each day with someone you know may cheat again, And if he dose what are you willing to do then ? Leave , stay, Act as if it never happened. ....

    Its not so easy when you have kids to just up and leave, And though you may LOVE him. Is it worth it ? Do you feel like at the end of the day he treats you good. And is good to the kids. Do you think you deserve better ? If so then you should leave.
    Me I felt like I deserved what I got. And so I just dealt with it. But now I know I don't have to stay, I can leave and if he cheats again. Well this time I would be done for good. I met my old man when I was 17 and I'm now 32. I have been with him my whole adult life.

    Answer by MOMofTwo_99_00 at 3:03 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • My husband of 31 years had cheated on me a while ago. I never violated our marriage and I never would. I chose to forgive him because I have always felt that if you harbor hatred or continue to live in the past and be unforgiving, it will eat you up inside. I also knew I still loved him. Besides, even though I do not believe that God punishes us, I do feel he has gotten his punishment by developing health problems. His lies and guilt caught up with him. He had a heart attack, he has seven stents in his heart. He fell and broke his ankle so bad he needed to have rods put in to straighten his foot out. It still hurts him. He is also borderline diabetic. I had a nervous breakdown over a year ago and he stood by me at all cost. He lost his job; he is still unemployed. He's admitted and faced his responsibility for contributing to my breakdown and has taken responsibility for his actions.


    Answer by rosiemendo at 9:21 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • ( my answer cont'd) He has gone to counseling with me. However, it's one thing to forgive and another to forget. I have taken measures to protect myself, like having a separate checking account. I also share my feelings and thoughts with him about everything. I've made it very clear that if he ever does anything to make me feel that he will cheat again, I will definitely leave him for good or throw him out. You need to seek counseling, both of you. Each of you needs to get professional help separately and then together. The fact that you both have cheated and continue to harbor these untrustworthy feelings is an indication that both of you have issues. If not for anything else, do it for your son.

    Answer by rosiemendo at 9:27 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

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