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Sharing custody?

My ex is making sharing our child a disaster. He is mad that I don't want to be with him so he is making it as hard as he possibly can. He won't watch her when I ask him to, and if I am not at work I am with her. I don't think it is too much to ask for a couple hours a week to myself. He decided today that he would make a schedule that works for HIM without asking my opinion on it. He wont consider changes that I want to be made on it, and is being a crazy a hole about it.
I could go through the courts and get her as much as I wanted, since he doesn't have a job, but I don't want to do that to him. Is it mean to threaten it?
Any moms share custody that has a schedule that really works?
Is every other day going to be too much on her going back and forth?
Suggestions on how things can be helped please!

Answer Question
 
dbodani

Asked by dbodani at 12:18 AM on Apr. 3, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 15 (1,925 Credits)
Answers (9)
  • I know people who have split the week instead of every other day. I suggest you do get it ordered though, whatever you choose.
    Renee3K

    Answer by Renee3K at 12:21 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Only way to avoid his insanity is to go thru the courts.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 12:21 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • We have a parenting plan that give him our DS 2 weekends a month (1st and 3rd) We alternate holidays. We had a hard time during the first several yrs to get him to cooperate, but finally we got it to work. It also helped to have someone other than ex to pick up my son so I wouldn't have to deal with him since he lies through his teeth about everything.
    bingogurl

    Answer by bingogurl at 12:21 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • if you go to the courts and tell them what you need from him (since he doesnt work) they will prob agree with you... I had to do the same thing with my ex... i would say somthing to him about going to court... he should be able to watch the child when you need him to since he isnt doing anything eles.
    dfwhite

    Answer by dfwhite at 12:22 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Your best bet is to get a custody agreement on paper, there are mediation options. Also though, don't assume since he doesn't work you are entitled to her more than him, do you have a child support order? I am saying this because I know of a mom who lost custody of her child because the ex didn't work and she did, and she had another child without a father, crap I know but I'm sure it happens. Then again most states want both parents involved, and again going through the court is your best bet. Good luck.
    LoveBuggsMommie

    Answer by LoveBuggsMommie at 12:39 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • my exhusband has made it his personal goal to make sure our girls never have a relationship with him because he is stilled pissed that I left him...15 yrs ago! oh he won't even answer the phone at work when our 29 year old calls his work to say its an emergency. he screams at the girls when they call him ans he never gives them a card for nothing...
    let me tell you from what I know if the man is mad he will stay mad. You cannot force him to watch the kids and you just have to accept the way things are. I mean I have tried mediation where the ex shows up being super nice and agreeing to everything then a week later he is a jerk not wanting to do what I need or the kids needs.
    togo90210

    Answer by togo90210 at 12:50 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • my ex is a super cool dude too. It's so strange that he is being a jerk! He wont answer my calls so I wrote him an email stating if he doesn't meet me half way then we can go to the courts.
    dbodani

    Comment by dbodani (original poster) at 12:56 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • If you think he is a good dad, then I think a 50/50 schedule would work.. Maybe alternate every Monday after school until the next Monday when school starts, alternate holidays, etc.

    He's being a jerk and being controlling. My DH's ex is the SAME way. She expects everything on her terms. Though, I will tell you, a Court Order may not help him to cooperate--my DH's ex has violated the dang thing 62+ times in 4.5 years (yes, we lost count after 62, it's all documented, though).

    Your best bet is to create your own schedule, then take BOTH of the ones that you two created, have a sit-down with him, and write up an agreement that you can both compromise on, then sign it. Later, type it up, have it signed, and file it with the Courts (if he won't sign the printed copy, file the handwritten one). He's being a butt because he's hurt. He needs to remember that this is about your child, not his feelings.
    laird6372

    Answer by laird6372 at 5:07 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Appears no talking with him, move, tell him he will be geting the full custody papers to sign. and announce you will no longer fight with him,, you are getting married, and will no longer need his help. that should straighten his butt right up. use ur vaca time if you have it go away, fam, friends place for a few weeks. pack as much as you can, just in case he is lurking, get a male friend to drive you off. lol I wind up not coming back after all. I moved to NJ and had a perfect babysitter, my mother.
    AMMA554

    Answer by AMMA554 at 8:27 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

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