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How do I get my man to help around the house?

He is in school FT 4 days a week and works PT in the evenings 3 days a week. He gets home from school a good 3 hours before I get home from work, so I'll ask him to do something simple to help around the house. Like put a load of dishes in the dishwasher. But 9 times out of 10, I get home and he has done NOTHING. So I remind him he said he'd do X or Y. He says he will. So I wait another day. Get home from work. The dishes are still in the sink. Or trash is trying to overflow. GROSS.

Not trying to be mean, but he grew up in poverty and good housekeeping was not a priority in his home.

I either wind up waiting for days for a simple task to get done or doing it myself, which makes me feel pretty damn used/angry and just reinforces to him that if he doesn't do what I ask, I'll just do it myself and he's off the hook. He does do some housework on occasion, but the occasions are few and far between, and then he'll use that example as an excuse ("What do you mean I don't do housework? I just washed dishes 2 weeks ago!").

Just today I had a big talk with him about him needing to step it up and act like a partner rather than my teenaged child, and not leave all the responsibilities on me. I told him if things didn't improve I could not stay with him. (Yes, really, it's that bad to get home from working on my feet all day, know my partner has been home for hours, and watch him sit on the couch while I try to tackle the mess of a house.)

If that doesn't work, WTF do I do? In all other respects he is a wonderful father and my best friend. He just only cleans when the mood strikes him, and it only strikes a couple times a month, for a few minutes at a time, apparently.

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:49 AM on Apr. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Just like my husband, this must be his twin! When you find out please let me know :)
    GomezMami2908

    Answer by GomezMami2908 at 2:58 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I so understand you on the leaving him because of his lazyness, ugh im the same here w/my so, the worst part is that his 15yr old dd lives w/us& she too is lazy as hell.just this morning i had a talk w/him.I told him that i was tired of him& his daughter.If i dont initiate for the house to get cleanedno one will do it, nothing,ugh it gets me upset. We both work full time& when i get home i need to start dinner, wash a few loads, sweep& mop& on weekends i clean the bathroom:tub,sink&toilet. I told him his dd needs to wash the dishes everyday unless she wants to switch w/me& do the rest, i also told him he needs to bathe the boys every night from now on.I told him if they dont start to help me i am leaving him& im giving him a month just to see if he will keep up w/it& if he doesnt i have made up my mind to leave, i got tired of being treated like a maid.
    gabby06

    Answer by gabby06 at 3:55 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • yess i would like to kno the advice to cause my SO does not help very often either....
    anayasmommy21

    Answer by anayasmommy21 at 4:08 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Blow jobs!! I am serious!! This can get a guy to do anything!!
    Sexyfox09

    Answer by Sexyfox09 at 5:13 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • OP here: Hahaha, sexyfox, I haven't tried BJs as bribes yet!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:19 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • They work!!!
    Sexyfox09

    Answer by Sexyfox09 at 5:20 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Sit down with your SO, discuss division of labor, agree on tasks, and write down who is going to do what and post it up. Then, stick to your guns (in a calm fashion) and do your part, and insist he complete his part by pointing out out that he agreed to the tasks he was given. Be sure to praise him when he does things too. It won't be instantaneous, but he will learn that he gets a sense of accomplishment from it.
    Fistandantalus

    Answer by Fistandantalus at 9:34 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • ground him from any nookie! lol
    amberpowell

    Answer by amberpowell at 10:34 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I could gripe constantly and then...nothing! I dont get any help PLUS! He thinks that I should wait on him hand and foot....so girl...once you kno....tell me! lol!

    raeyliNlilysmom

    Answer by raeyliNlilysmom at 1:51 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

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