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2 Bumps

Is this a "reward"?

our DS is failing literature and history in 8th grade - to the point of not summer school but a full years retention! I informed DH that between the teachers, DS and myself our agreement is....everyweek they send home "if report card came today THIS would be DS grade" if it is below a C he looses XBOX, computer time and IPOD (due to internet capabilities). LAST weeks grades would be D- ..... DH took him yesterday and bought a new controller for XBOX. He doesn't view it as a "reward" and now we are in a fight because I am just being hard as DS sat and finished ALL the homework he had been missing AND sat and read a book. NO HE WAS TO BE GROUNDED TIL THE NEXT REPORT CAME! Am I wrong in viewing this?

 
brypmom

Asked by brypmom at 8:47 AM on Apr. 3, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 17 (4,217 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (16)
  • I agree with you, if his homework is a waste of his time then he need to not have other things to fill his time with. If this continues, I woudl sell this electronics and that way there is no issue at all about whether or not he needs a controller. School comes first, and it sounds like it's time your hubby came to that understanding. Good luck (c:
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 8:58 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I can see why you are angry but look at it like this, if and when he does lose his things now he loses even more. It might actually hurt more.
    I know with mine when we had the same issues we had the teacher initial their planner everyday so I knew they got all the homework, and the kids knew what was assigned. It did help. I had one who forever was not turning in homework. Sometimes he actually had it and had completed it and just didnt turn it in. I dont know what goes on in their minds some times.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 8:49 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I agree with you, I would view a new controller as a reward.
    Eviesmommy

    Answer by Eviesmommy at 8:51 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • You and DH need to have a conversation and reinforce that you're on the same side for your son. See where he's coming from, dad's hate to be the bad guy maybe he's tired of punishing your son? I would be frustrated, but I agree with the previous poster about talking to the teacher about more strategies, and since your son is in 8th grade get him involved with the decisions/plans.
    LoveBuggsMommie

    Answer by LoveBuggsMommie at 8:53 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Yes, his D- grade was rewarded by your husband. You are not wrong, your DH is. But good luck on getting him to admit that.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 8:53 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • gemgem - in one class he has admitted he doesn't do the work because its a waste of "his time" and "i don't like the teacher"...WOW I never would HAVE thought to say that one outloud! lol. My oldest child was a whiz at school - never had to stand over him. 2nd had to remind him to get the homework done but he had good grades. This one I just cant sink it in his head..............
    brypmom

    Comment by brypmom (original poster) at 8:56 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • does he have a new controller but no access to an xbo?. cuz i would actually find that frustrating as a kid. (hilarious as a punishment). then you can use it against him. "Take a look at this controller. Use it as motivation to get your Xbox. Cuz you're not gonna get it til your grades go up."
    r.e.l.s.m.o.m.

    Answer by r.e.l.s.m.o.m. at 9:02 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • dh reasoning for buying it was he had completed his work that was missing. His grades are NOT up. The agreement was grades UP - not work done.
    brypmom

    Comment by brypmom (original poster) at 9:31 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Your DH was in the wrong, not you. As per your agreement, DS needs to step it up. If he's not putting in the work, then take away privileges.

    KateShesGreat3

    Answer by KateShesGreat3 at 9:50 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Don't give in. Those things are indeed priviliges and not rights. As long as he sees that they won't be lost, he'll probably feel entitled to it. The waste of his time is the Xbox, not his homework.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 10:19 AM on Apr. 3, 2011