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4 Bumps

Custody..what to do?!

My son's father (my ex) just started wanting to be in my son's life, which is great but i think i should go to court or to mediation because i don't want him saying "Im keeping Ryder for a few extra nights!" and legally he would be a able to, i jut want something set in stone that way he gets his time and i get my time!! But i am scared that if i want to go to court then he won't want to see Ryder any more, because he wouldn't want to if he had to follow "Rules" what should i do?

I know it sounds stupid but i am really stumped!

Answer Question
 
Rydersmom95

Asked by Rydersmom95 at 9:29 AM on Apr. 3, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 6 (118 Credits)
Answers (12)
  • To be completely honest you SHOULD take him to court. There are definitely some sick men out there that will try to keep the children from the mother. Your best best would be to take him to court and have something set in stone so that there is no mis-confusion and so he wont take your son away from you on days that you don't agree too. Good luck hun.
    jessiskinner200

    Answer by jessiskinner200 at 9:41 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • If going to court for a visitation order scares him off, then he wasn't devoted in being involved in his son's life to begin with. If he scares off, at least your son won't have to deal with the 'front' that he is putting on later in his life.

    Go to court, get sole custody. He won't be able to tell you how to raise your son.
    Get a visitation order that will guarantee BOTH of your rights to see the child.
    They will probably require a child support order too.
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:43 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • If taking him to court is enough for him not to want to see the child, he really wasn't that dedicated in the first place. Take him to court, get a plan set in place and that way you know what to expect.
    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 9:55 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • You can always sit down with a lawyer outside of court and make a visitation plan that you both agree upon and file it with the court. It's just as legally binding as a judges decision, only you won't have to go before the judge or deal with court. I definitely wouldn't let him have your child without some sort of order in place. (Like everyone else says- if he's not willing to get something in writing, it's not worth it.)
    Annabel1809Lee

    Answer by Annabel1809Lee at 10:05 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • you NEED to go get something court ordered for visitation, TRUST ME!!! He CAN keep the child away from you now since there is no court order, but if you get one, of course you know, he legally can't keep him past the ordered dates, UNLESS you agree with it. If you go to court or mediation, and he decides he doesn't want to ''follow rules'' when it comes to seeing his child, then what kind of father was he in the first place? NOT ONE! Do it for your son's sake!
    knicole0708

    Answer by knicole0708 at 10:06 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Yes 100% go to court. When you dont have a court order you also have equal rights to the child, and what I mean is not only can he keep the child a few extra night, he can keep the child forever, just like you can. Then you would have to go to court and it would be more costly. In fact if he wants to visit right now is your best time. You can probably see a lawyer together and get something drawn up you can agree to. Just present it in a positive way. Tell him it is to protect his rights to visit more than anything, so that when or if you ever argue neither of you can get in the way of a relationship with your child.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 10:18 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I honestly would go to COURT... I am going threw the same crap well kinda with my son Connor's father... so I know how you feel... I would go to COURT and have them set up a ChildSupport case which will help you baby out by helping you get things he needs... If you have any question or are still concerned message me I can give some information that I have gotten
    I hope this helps you ... your not alone and trust me if you take him to COURT and he changes his mind he really wasn't in it and seems like he was more up to something (but that's just how i feel *but that could be my own personal fears right there*)
    proudmommy_0811

    Answer by proudmommy_0811 at 10:38 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • From experience. Take him to court. My sons father did that to me. Started being an active member in my son's life then one day called me and told me he was moving to another state and before I could do anything he was up and gone. I was so hurt because I call myself giving him the benefit of the doubt because he had and was going through so much. Needless to say after years and years and fighting I got my son back. During this time I learned the difference between sole custody and sole physical custody. Didn't know they were two different things but now I know. Take him to court and do what is in the best interest of your son.
    Shagara03

    Answer by Shagara03 at 10:54 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • If you can run him off by having to follow rules, then he does not deserve to be a part of the child's life, imho.

    Would you say "screw it" if a judge told you "you have to have him back by 7pm Sunday night?" NO. Especially after being an absentee parent for so long.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 11:30 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Visitation should be set.
    meooma

    Answer by meooma at 11:57 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

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