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Four year old .....

my four year old throws a tantrum to clean his room should i make him or clean it for him . even when he knows to do it .

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damionsmommy2

Asked by damionsmommy2 at 9:35 AM on Apr. 3, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 11 (624 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • Well, he has you trained! he screams and throws a tantrum and mommy does the work.

    I would make him do it but i would help a little.

    Also, a broad "clean your room" is still a daunting thought to a 4 year old. Start small...pick up the cars and put them here, pick up theballs and put them here...
    Jademom07

    Answer by Jademom07 at 9:39 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Do it together so he knows what is expected. Make it fun and matter of fact, not a stressful situation. All other activities wait until the room is done. And at 4 I would not have too high of a standard of what the room is supposed to look like. What is clean to one is not necessarily clean to another.
    elizabr

    Answer by elizabr at 9:42 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I agree with elizabr

    Make it fun and do it together. Picking up the toys in his room is enough, wait until later, maybe age 6 to begin teaching him to make his bed and other simple things.
    Anonymous5

    Answer by Anonymous5 at 9:51 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • We make it a game(granted her room is never really "clean," but toys get picked up). I seperate everything into categories with only a handful of items in each category. Can you pick up all the clothes on the floor, can you put away all the red toys, can you put 4 toys in the toybox, etc... We do this a little bit nearly everyday before bed.
    camiam81

    Answer by camiam81 at 10:35 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Saying 'clean your room' is too overwhelming to them and leaves them trying to decipher what that actually involves. To a 4 yr old, cleaning their room means picking up their hotwheels or barbies but to us it means doing those things plus making the bed and putting dirty laundry in the basket. An older child knows what clean your room means, but a 4 yr old needs you to say 'go into your room and put your cars up.' Then, when they have finished, you say 'okay, now go put all your socks in the basket.'

    Do that till the room is finished. Some people also have a rule in their family that if you don't want to pick it up, it goes in a time out box for a determined amount of time.
    VintageWife

    Answer by VintageWife at 1:05 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • If you do it for him now you will set a precedent of your doing things for him when he cries. In our home, no fun activities until work is done.
    Austinsmom35

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 9:33 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • If he knows how to do it, then he is only doing what he is doing to MAKE you do it. Because he is learning how to make you give in. If he knows where things go, and can take them out and play with them, then he can put them back. Away to make him do it, is make it a game...you start helping him to see how much he can put away before you, but as he starts to try and beat you, you slowly stop doing it. and Before you know it he will be doing it all by himself. (HE WINS) and you hardly had to do anything because he wanted to beat you.
    Novmeber2006

    Answer by Novmeber2006 at 10:20 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • He's old enough to do it himself! If his tantrums work and get him out of things he'll continue to throw tantrums for years! Maybe the "style" of tantrum will change, but it will still be a tantrum. He has to learn that this behavior won't work!
    If the room looks totally overwhelming to clean and it's hard for him to see where to get started, you can break it into segments such as put all of the truck and cars away. When that's done, go to something else. If he starts screaming, just walk away from him. If you talk to him or get involved in the tantrum, it will work on some levels by just getting your attention.
    Good luck! He'll learn that you mean what you say!
    AlisonAstair

    Answer by AlisonAstair at 1:02 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

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