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How to deal with angry husband and daughter's Islamic conversion?

My daughter has converted, she's 19, it's her own decision. I will not argue with it, she can make her own decisions and I also went through an Islamic phase so to say. I like the ideals of modesty and charity and many other things. Eventually I realised there were many things I did not agree with too and so I left it behind but I felt I learnt a lot from it and from the people I met during that journey. However my husband is up in arms. It's been 5 months now of her having been a muslim and I am just sick and tired. She can't come round without him picking fight, he screams about terrorists all the time and even though he is not particularly religious he is so disgusted by her that he says she's going against our ancestors (he's irish catholic, my parents are also irish catholics although we now live in England and do not have particularly religious parents either) I am sick and tired, she's tried to peacefully change his mind and she never argues back, she just calmly tells him he's entitled to his own views which makes him more angry. Any ideas of what to do in this situation? It's breaking apart our family. My husband won't talk to me anymore either.

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Asked by Anonymous at 10:30 AM on Apr. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (15)
  • I don't have any ideas, but I will pray for you..

    Answer by Obi.Ren.Kenobi at 10:32 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Personally, i'd kick him out. Children deserve to be loved, and if he holds such obvious hostility and hate for his own daughter.... he'd be gone.

    I feel really sorry for her, and i'm glad she has you.

    Answer by Piskie at 10:37 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • It sounds like your husband is the one breaking your family apart not your daughter. Try and reasure her that this is not her fault she should be able to practice whatever religion she pleases. Im sorry about your husband maybe after some time has passed he will get used to the idea and be more excepting of your daughter

    Answer by Liz132 at 10:40 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Not all Muslims are terrorists. I don't agree with their beliefs either, a man will never own me or my children. But he ought to let her find out for herself. The harder he pushes, the more she wants to stay where she is. Try to get him to relax, watch and see what happens. You might even suggest to her that she look into Bhuddism, at least temporarily. He might back off if he thinks she's not happy where she is.

    Answer by Kimimale at 10:41 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • "It sounds like your husband is the one breaking your family apart not your daughter"

    This is true ^

    My sister went through a phase. She converted to Islam & now is not into it anymore. she was 20 at the time. after about 6 years, she started having doubts. it's very normal for people to experiment with different religions. Your husband is taking it over board though. Like you, she started to disagree with some of the teachings & well..i guess just walked away from it. Her husband did too....Funny that her husband was born to a Jewish mother & he converts to Islam as an, he did not even tell his parents. They had no clue....but, they are into Buddhism these days. Some folks like to test the waters for a while before they decide it feels comfy. So, i would take it with a grain of salt. Her beliefs should not ruin her relationship with her parents. That is just sad.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 10:51 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I am curious to what drew you daughter to a religion where women are 2nd class citizens? There are plenty of other choices that emphasize modesty and charity without treating a girl like cattle. I think your husband is overboard, but I wouldn't want my child to convert to this either! I would ask him not to bring it up when she is over, I can't imagine she likes to come over if she is screamed at every time,, but I wouldn't support her choice in this religion for sure! Just see her outside of the home or have her over when he isn't there if it gets to much,,,,,,IDK what else to say, but good luck!

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:56 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • How did he treat her before all this? was it totally different or was he always like this?
    Ultimately, this sounds like something that is on him-how horrible it must be to hear her dad say these things and treat her like that :(
    I would remind her that this is something that he needs to work through and I would remind him that she still is his daughter and this is hurting her and you as well.
    He may never "get" it and I hope that isn't the case.
    This is a sad situation

    Answer by charlotsomtimes at 11:00 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • kimigogo - Islam can be a beautiful religion, especially without going into the extremes of it. Women are not second class citizens, it does all depend on how men interpret the Quran. Heaven lies at the feet of the mother in Islam and respect is a highly prized thing. Yes, it does have it's problems (as do all religions) but I'm happy to support her if she wants to carry on with it.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:03 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I think he needs help dealing with this. maybe some sort of family counsling. he doesn't know how to deal with the change and his angry and anxiety. It sounds like your daugther is doing the right thing by not fighting back with him so I applaud her for that.
    but mostly I applaud you for supporting her. not many parents could deal with such a change with their children and you seem totally at peace with this. there are many children out there who wish their parents could be as supportive as you.

    Answer by ElsaSalsaaa at 11:27 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Its on him. If your daughter isnt egging it on then the fault lies with him. He has a prejudice that he hasnt admitted to, and probably wont.
    If he cant come to terms with her being an adult and making her own decisions then he needs to talk to someone about finding ways TO deal with it.

    It may take time or he may never get over it. But she shouldnt have to hide nor pretend anything just for him. Perhaps she should talk to him, calmly, one more time. Not to convert but to explain why she likes it and what she gets from it and then let it go. No arguing, no answering questions from him. Basically, a testimonial. Then you tell him how you feel, same deal.

    After that...she comes around when he's not there or you two go somewhere out of his range to visit. If he wants to be a twit then neither of you need to deal with him and ruin your time together.

    Answer by Amaranth361 at 1:09 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

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