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When you spank your child

does he or she get angrier and try to hit you back? Were they out of control before the spanking and you tried to clam them down but ended up spanking them?? Did they take the spanking or get a temper and try hitting you?

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Asked by ItsJustMe1017 at 11:18 AM on Apr. 3, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 17 (4,732 Credits)
Answers (11)
  • No. They do not lash out. I *only* resort to spanking when they have repeated the bad behavior after having several warnings/time out/etc.
    If you spank out of anger, your child will learn to lash out because they see spanking as an outlet for anger, rather than a consequence of bad behavior.

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 11:22 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I don't think I've really spanked my son, when he's out of control throwing a tantrum and I can't get his attention any other way, I swat him on the butt. It get his attention, and he cries. I don't think he cries because it hurt though, I think he just cries because he's mad.

    Answer by MomMom23 at 11:22 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • WHEN I spank my child? I DON'T! I am the adult and the one in control. I am the role model. If I don't want my child to be aggressive, I will model calm behaviour. If my daughter is not calm, I wait before we deal with whatever the issue is. A child subdued by spanking has learned that's how you control other people.

    Answer by Nonoluna at 11:23 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I do NOT spank and your example should explain why spanking does NOT work. It shows that it only lets the child know hitting is ok. It causes them to be angry and aggressive. Even when they don't respond in anger they repress their feelings of hurt and think badly of the parent who doesn't have good parenting skills. There are good forms of discipline (and spanking is punishment not discipline) but spanking isn't effective for anything except abusing.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:35 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Nonoluna...i don't believe that to be true. I have a 2 year old who is going through a hitting phase. Is it because I spank her?? No, it's not.
    She doesn't go to daycare, so where is she learning it?

    Comment by ItsJustMe1017 (original poster) at 11:38 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I was asking a hypothetical question. Has this ever happened??


    Comment by ItsJustMe1017 (original poster) at 11:39 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I only spanked for an imitate shock value due to the child doing something dangerous.

    If your issue is hitting... then I think spanking is the wrong response.


    Answer by Anonymous at 11:45 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • ItsJustMe1017, it's a phase she's going through. She's got all these emotions and feeling running through her little body that she's not felt before. Hitting/kicking/biting is a normal phase for 2 year olds. Even if she was at daycare this would probably crop up.

    Try being her voice and see what happens. If you see her getting frustrated because a toy isn't doing what she wants it to do say: "I'm MAD! This toy isn't doing what I want it to!" Then help her make it do what she wants.

    That worked wonders for my daughter when she was 2. It sometimes works wonders now and she's 4. It was also very effective in the daycare I worked at, in the 2 year old room.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 11:48 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I will occasionally spank my DD because I find that time outs do not always work with her. We are both calm when the spanking occurs. We talk about what she did and why she is in trouble and that since she couldn't listen still after going to time out we were going to do a spanking. I swat her one time with a open hand on her fully clothed butt. It hurts her feelings more than anything. WE hug and she says she's sorry. End of story. She has never lashed out. But as I said she sits in her room until we are both calm first.

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:58 AM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • No. This behavior is NOT because you are spanking it's because your child is two. The phrase "terrible twos" didn't pop up for no reason at all. Non-spankers don't get that those who do spank aren't the child beaters they have a mental model of.

    Answer by scout_mom at 12:32 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

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