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So I've decided..

to take on my SIL's baby, this is the link for the original problem:
http://www.cafemom.com/answers/76830/Real_Dilemna?cat_id=25

My question is she would like us not to tell the baby that she is their original mother, but I am due 2 months after her so this will be an impossibility. If we take custody of the child and she doesn't want any contact at all, would it be possible for her to force us to not tell the child about who his/her birthmother is? Because I wouldn't know what to say. Also she has a 15 year old who lives with us, and she would let it slip I'm sure. I'm so confused. Help! Thank you ladies.

 
haleykarson

Asked by haleykarson at 1:47 PM on Nov. 29, 2008 in General Parenting

Level 1 (3 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • I think that if she wants you to be the parent to this child, then she doesn't get to have any say over the matter of how you handle this issue. Will you be legally adopting the child, or is this more of an informal arrangement?
    BlueFrogMama

    Answer by BlueFrogMama at 1:50 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • The matter of whether we will be legally adopting the child or informally is being debated at the moment by my husband and me and her, I think, personally, that it would be easier in the long term to go for the legal route since it would be more secure.
    haleykarson

    Answer by haleykarson at 1:52 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I think so, too. It seems like an informal deal would be inviting trouble. Good luck!
    BlueFrogMama

    Answer by BlueFrogMama at 1:53 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • BlueFrogMama is right, its your fam and you know what works. She has no say after the fact
    perksmom

    Answer by perksmom at 1:54 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • Ooh Boy.I think you can do it :) It may be stressful at first but in the long run well worth it.It will be confusing for the baby,BUT if you feel its best to say who the birth monther is then do so.Its ok for a child to know they are adopted.As for the 15 year old dont worry.Do what you wanna do.IF it were me i would tell the child from the start so no questions are thrown out later(i fould out my father was not my real father,i was crushed @ 13 and didnt understand how some one said they loved me and lied)I get it now.But as a child you dont.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:23 PM on Nov. 29, 2008