Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

21 Bumps

What would you do if a normally incredibly calm husband hit you?

My husband has barely shouted in his life nor do we normally argue at all. We've been married for 10 years now and most of it (obviously we've had occasional problems) has been bliss. Today we were arguing while our four daughters played at my mom's (I'm pregnant with girl no. 5) as we never argue in front of our girls. In the middle of it (it was a stupid argument about money - not particularly important, just budget issues) and he then hit me incredibly hard in the face which caused my nose to bleed and my face is pretty swollen right about now. He then literally collapsed to the floor and cried then left in his truck. I haven't seen him since. I picked the girls up and got on with my day but he's still not back after 8 horus. I don't know how to deal with this or what to think. I'm close to actually just feeling sorry for him. Something must have caused this. Help?

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:04 PM on Apr. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (67)
  • I'd leave and not come back until he'd gone to anger management
    Once it happens and you forgive,he's likely to do it again
    butterflyblue19

    Answer by butterflyblue19 at 7:06 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • This crazy economy might have caused the stress, still no excuse to resort to violence, and even less from someone who is suppose to love you.
    older

    Answer by older at 7:06 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I'd put the fear of God in him and have his sorry ass arrested! there is NO excuse for him to hit a pregnant woman!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 7:08 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • If it were me I'd kick his ass out of the house and not let him back until he undergoes anger management and couples counseling!
    MizLee

    Answer by MizLee at 7:09 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Okay. THIS IS IMPORATANT . . SO I AM TYPING IN BOLD . . . ONCE PHYSICAL VIOLENCE BEGINS IT DOES NOT STOP.

    So, honey, DO NOT let yourself feel bad for him . . . that is how the cycle progresses. Call the police and make a report. Tell him, that you will not continue the relationship unless you successfully complete counseling together, and he sees a counselor alone to work on anger management.

    There is something very, very wrong, and it needs to be addressed NOW!

    I am yelling at you because your safety and the safety of your kids is the most important thing.

    You must hold him accountable, and you must not fall victim to the violence cycle.

    He will call you later today or tomorrow, crying, and come crawling back. maybe with a present, definately with a lot of "sorry's" and "I love you's" and "I will never do that again". He WILL do it again unless he gets help. So, make that report and demand that he get he
    ImaginationMama

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 7:10 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I would leave and call the police. Yes he would be arrested but he would also be forced into some anger management classes. I would also make sure he completed them and learned his lesson before allowing him around me or my kids. Once that line is crossed they cross it again. I speak from exp, I was in an abusive marriage,.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 7:11 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I'd ask him when he returns why he hit you. Tell him how it made you feel. Tell him that rather than resorting to violence, you need to talk through the issues, if you feel comfortable staying with him. He likely is beating himself up over it without any outside help, but be aware that once a hitter, he may continue to hit. Good luck Momma. The decision is ultimately up to you.
    BisketLiss

    Answer by BisketLiss at 7:14 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I would file for a legal separation, and not let him back home AT LEAST until the baby is born, he has had some sort of counseling, and has proven himself.

    Of all times for him to do this to you...you are PREGNANT. How much lack of control would it take for YOU to hit a pregnant woman? He has demonstrated what he is capable of.

    At minimum you need to boot him out to make the point that it will N-E-V-E-R happen again. That you will not tolerate it. That you WILL leave. That he WILL lose his family over it. That he WILL be alone. At least separating would give him the chance to process that you aren't having that behavior!

    And imagine if next time it is in front of one of your daughters! You do NOT want them growing up thinking it is okay if it just happens the one time. (if that is what it truly ends up being).
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 7:17 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • OP, I agree with you... something did cause him to do this & you need to let him know that he isn't to come back home until he gets help to figure out what that something is & learn how to deal with it in a proper manner. I can understand you feeling sorry for him, he's your husband & you love him. However, as someone above said, once it happens the first time, it's easier to happen again & again. Please, be strong about this & take care of yourself & your kids first. If you love him, you'll insist he get help for his sake as well as your family's. Best wishes to you.
    ghostwriter777

    Answer by ghostwriter777 at 7:17 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Oh, and I would also be making sure that he told his mother or family members the REASON for you putting him out. He ought to be embarrassed about it. Humiliated for it. And know that NOBODY thinks it is okay.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 7:18 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.
close Join now to connect to
other members!
Connect with Facebook or Sign Up Using Email

Already Joined? LOG IN