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2 Bumps

How Do I Tell My DH?

I left my SO (now DH) a little while ago, and started hanging out with my ex. Long story short, I know it was a wrong move, came back. DH said how much he loved me and yada yada yada... But here's the problem, I don't feel like DH will ever let it go. He continues to bring it up everyday, and I'm starting to dread any moments that we may have together because I know he is going to mention something about it. I understand that he needs to get things off his chest, but I'm kind of worn out on talking about it. Will he ever let it go? It's like he's beating a dead horse. By the way, a girl that I thought was my friend starting filling his head with all kinds of crap. And she still texts him... My heart skips a beat whenever he starts looking at his phone because he's either checking his FB (he was messaging my ex) or she is texting him. And the girl and my ex had a fling as well, I feel like they are all ganging up on me. But isn't it DH's place to stop talking to them? I just don't know what to do anymore. Whenever I know he's coming home, I don't even want to spend time with him anymore because I know he is going to continue to bring it up and ask questions. And I've already told him everything about what happened. I didn't sleep with my ex, nor did I want to, we were simply hanging out. But the girl told DH, "come on you really don't think they did?" And I know for a FACT that we DIDN'T! So bottom line, how do I tell him that I'm done talking about the past?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 8:34 PM on Apr. 3, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • Tell him let's discuss it one last time and let him get it all out of his system bc it won't be discussed again. It takes two to have a discussion. If he continues just walk away

    Answer by admckenzie at 8:37 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • tell him the truth. be direct and firm. don't be angry, don't be wishy-washy, just tell him that now you guys are back together, let's make a fresh start and stop talking about what happened. tell him you told him the truth, everything and he accepted you back, now it's time to get on with your new life. be direct, firm and honest. that is the best route. gl

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:38 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • tell him your done talking about the past, its there for a reason and to trust you when you say you didnt otherwise you wont be around to argue about it the rest of your life.

    Answer by SabrenaLeigh at 8:40 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Tell him you are done talking about the situation until he blocks those people from phone and fb.

    Answer by pookiekins34 at 8:41 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I would ask him what he needs for me to do in order for us to be able to put this behind us. It may be that there are specific words he needs to hear from your lips before he can let it go. He may need to hear you say that you are truly sorry and for you to humbly ask him to forgive you. It sounds like you are both still pointing fingers, so you might ask yourself the same question: What do I need to hear from him so that I will be able to put this to rest. Once you both know and can verbalize what you need to happen or to be said, then do those things, and both of you refuse to ever bring it up again.

    Answer by NannyB. at 8:43 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Its kinda hard cause you brought this on yourself how would u feel if it was you in his shoes huh?

    Answer by benitaapplebomb at 8:48 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I was in the same position a couple years back, but the girl that he "hooked up" with got pregnant and he started to think that maybe the baby could have been his.... Luckily it wasn't the girl was just a whore.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:52 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • You just have to be straight forward with him! Sit him down and talk, tell him you really want to be with him and that the only way you two can move on is to just leave the past exactly where it's at.. The past!! Good luck to you hun!!

    Answer by MissLoveLyfe at 8:57 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • There is something even more important than your DH dropping this to deal with. If you want your relationship to survive at all you have to look at ALL the things that are wrong with the relationship like the rampant mistrust. Ask yourself what you were looking for in your ex, obviously it was something or you wouldn't have been drawn there to begin with like not getting all your needs met or just not having enough in common anymore. Your husband can't get over this because he knows that he lost a part of you and he can't seem to understand where the break down occurred to begin with.

    Answer by CallMeAngie at 9:16 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Question: When you told him what happened, was he allowed to actually TALK about it? Or was it you just telling him what happened and that was that? I know when my DH and I have had problems, he tells me, but refuses to talk it through, so then *I* can't get over it, because *I* have to talk things through and just won't "let it go" because he doesn't want me to talk it through. Also, how long ago did all this happen? If it was recently, then yeah, he probably is still working through it. He's not going to get over it just because you want him to. If it's been years, then maybe the two of you should try counseling to help both of you get past this.

    Answer by laird6372 at 9:51 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

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