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How do you handle it when other children hit your child?

Last night we were at my sister/brother-in-law's house. Their son ( 2 1/2) hit my daughter (3 1/2) in the face five times over the course of four hours. Each time was hard enough to leave a red mark and at one point she actually wet her pants because she was so upset by it. My BIL would then chase down the child, take him in his bedroom (to spank him?), and have him apologize to my daughter and give her a hug.

My question isn't how to deal with their child, but how to handle mine. I don't want to raise her to be a doormat or to be picked on, but how do you do that? Someone at the house asked her "well, did you hit him back?" (*Not* an option.)  I did tell her - after we got home - that she would not be spending time with him until he learned not to hit. 

It should be noted that I am not the type of person to make a show of somethng, or to angrily comment or scoop up my child and storm out of the house. I am not looking to change *their* behavior, I'm looking to effectively teach my daughter to not be bullied.


Answer Question

Asked by EloisesMomma at 9:57 PM on Apr. 3, 2011 in Preschoolers (3-4)

Level 3 (24 Credits)
Answers (10)
  • You could teach your child to yell NO! DONT DO THAT!! instead of teaching her to hit back. Lots of kid's fear being yelled at. It may just work. At least your BIL did discipline his child for it. That's more than most parents seem to do today with mean little bully kid's

    Answer by vbruno at 10:17 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I always tell my kids to make sure they are not near the other child. Stay 5 feet away at all times. I like the yelling idea too.

    Answer by ashisamom at 10:20 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I teach my children that "IT IS NEVER OK TO HIT, TOUCH PUT THERE HANDS ON OTHERS"...but if someone does hut them in any way then the deal is off and they can protect themselves...i tell my kids to look the person strong and tell them to back off and to never touch them again...if the person continues then they have my ok to hit back...i don't want my kids to be violent but i do not want my kids to be hurt or to show others that they will not fight back or stand up for many children are bully and that bulling has even turn into murder cuz some kids don't stand up they want to do the right thing....

    Answer by iNk-FrEaK at 10:43 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I am like ink-freak... no hitting but once you're hit and they continue to do it hit them right back... I don't want my boys to be violent, but I don't want them to be picked on they need to make sure that the other kid knows don't mess with me I won't let you get away with...If other kids see your child as weak they will continue to go after that child in's horrible, but that is they way it is now

    Answer by mommatabby at 10:51 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • That's right ink-freak why would a parent want there child to stand there and get hit on and not hit back.

    Answer by mamaofficer at 10:52 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • I sit back and watch. My son plays soccer at the Y and often his team mates start out as teasing by touching then full on hitting. I watch but don't get involved. I want him to handle it. Us there is a coach, reffs, and other adults. I'm there if needed but have never felt the need. And at times my little guy is doing the annoying stuff - it truly is about 50/50 on how things get started. He gets bopped in tge nose, cries for a minute to us, we say shake it off, out he goes again. After tge game we tell him the great points and much later review the areas to work on - like no pushing and using your hands to move other players out of the way. Sometimes we reherse and others remind him before a game. With most things I watch and wait. I want him to learn how to resolve things and give him a chance. Plus ot is interesting how he copes with other adults stepping in. I look at is a positive learning experience.

    Answer by frogdawg at 10:55 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • We do not teach to hit back. My son has no issues with being assertive. We have him walk away at his age, take a personal time out if mad, or tell an adult he is angry and why. We role play it out and have seen hi use it in action. I can honestly say he is not a doormat and does not get picked on. For us as his parents we want him to respect all people even if they make a poor choice. Doesn't mean nothing is done - it just means the correction may not be immediate. I can't do violence and in my child's case he has the potential to truly kick ass and hurt someone else if truly angry. I am just as concerned how the other guy will fair against my baby who is truly primal if he thinks he is wronged.

    Answer by frogdawg at 11:03 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Thank you to everyone who responded.

    Frogdawg, I really appreciate your thorough response. I think after I feel confident that I've taught her some effective ways to deal with these situations, I'll feel more confident in sitting back and watching. I think you get what I'm trying to teach my daughter - respect, assertiveness, restraint, and non-violent ways to handle life.

    Ashisamom, I also like the "five foot rule" you've used with your child, and everyone who suggested she yell something to the extent of "do not touch me!" and then move away from the child who hits them. I fear that bursting into tears will only get her labeled as a "crybaby" and running to me will get her labled a "tattle-tale". I'm hoping that getting yelled at really will shock the other kid into backing off.

    Comment by EloisesMomma (original poster) at 11:25 PM on Apr. 3, 2011

  • Teach her to use her words. Hey stop that...or hey I don't like that. If a child says it loud enough the other child may stop or it may allow a grown up to stop something before it happens again or at all.

    Answer by Holland04 at 9:47 AM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I would not put up with that. If the parent didnt discipline then I would say something to the child.

    Answer by Crissy9832 at 6:22 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

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