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Is it wrong to NOT GO to my daughter's basketball games?

My 17 yr is captain of varsity basketball, her 1st game is tonite, 60 mile round trip. I hate going to these games! A. I hate driving at night!!....B. I hate these games because it is a small town and everyone has their little clicks, I sit alone, me and my social anxiety..Yes I will feel like the world is closing in and I'm suffocating and I get freaked out and want to cry to I have at times ran outside to catch some air and calm down....C. My daughter is cold to me, it's all about her and I don't want to make any effort because I'm not feeling her love enough to go through all the above to watch her play. Yes I'm coming off as self-centerd. However All I do is give,give and give. I'm tired of giving up me to try to be loved by them!

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Asked by wheresthewayout at 2:59 PM on Nov. 29, 2008 in Teens (13-17)

Level 29 (39,885 Credits)
Answers (18)
  • Yes, It makes you look extremely self centered! You should at least go to the first game. Make an effort to be a good parent. Teenagers are selfish! That's just the way they are! You have to lead by example! Be there for her! She will never admit that she really wants you to care enough to be there for her! I will mean a lot to her if you put aside you stupid excuses for not going and just do the right thing and be there for your daughter!

    Answer by amydh at 3:25 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • Think about that last sentence for a minute. You're giving up you to try to be loved by them? Maybe that's part of the problem. It's not your job to be loved by your daughter. It's your job to love her and be there for her, not the other way around. Your relationship with her may not be the best, but she's 17 and that's pretty normal. Deciding that it's not worth the trouble to go and support her is certainly not going to make your relationship better. Is there some way you can compromise here? Can you show your support in a way that is less trying for you?

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:26 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • My husband was an athlete and his parents never came to his games, he is 47 and still bothered by it. Be brave, do it for your daughter, ignore the clicks and GO!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:40 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I don't think it's necessarily "wrong" but you have to remember, you're the adult here. Kids can be selfish and insensitive and nutty. But they are kids and they need the support and attention from their parents. Adults are the ones who should nurture the relationships with their kids while they're kids. When they become adults hopefully they will have learned by example the "give & take" of relationships. Go ahead and go. One day you'll look back and be glad you did. And so will your daughter!  :)


    Answer by BlessedMommy64 at 4:27 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • You should go to your daughter's games. I work at a high school and you would be surprised at how many kids think their parents hate them. Kids need their parents. We have clicks at our school too but we're their for our kids-please make your daughter feel special-she's probably cold to you because that's how you are treating her. Value your children-they are precious-you can never get their childhood back. Love your kids no matter how they treat you-they are just kids. They need you there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:56 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • My parents didn't come to my school events...I'm in my 50's and it still hurts! Invite a friend who will help you drive and GO!!!

    Answer by companygoddess at 5:00 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • Go to her game, maybe her coldness has to do with your lack of involvement and support.

    Answer by Anonymous at 5:23 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I, too, was an athlete and and, at age 44, am still bothered that my parents didn't think it was important enough to come to any of my games or meets. This is not about you, it's about supporting your daughter. You need to be there.

    Answer by Anonymous at 6:32 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • My parents came to all my games in middle school and high school all year round. I went to a small school and played volleyball in the fall, cheerleading in the winter and softball in the spring. When in college I cheered and played softball. College was two hours away and they came to over half of the games. One girl on my softball team in college told me that it was so neat that they were there. She had been playing softball since she was in 8th grade and her parents have never seen her play. When she told me that I cried for her. I cannot imagine that. Maybe she is could toward you is because you don't come to things. Like someone else said you do these thing because you love her not to get her to love you. This could be where she gets her selfcenteredness.

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:44 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I have some of your phobias as well. I forced myself go to. Not sure that was fair to myself since as adults my kids seem to find something (anything) to blame me for so what's one more thing? I have one dd that understands my phobias. That's a comfort. If I had to do it all over again, no I wouldn't go. That traveling at night would stop me cold. Someone usually tapes the games. You could watch the tape if she wanted you to see her in action.

    Answer by admckenzie at 9:23 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

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