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How to tell MIL her comments are hurtful without being the bad guy (kinda long)

My MIL has a tendency of putting me down and then if I say anything about it she starts crying and telling me i treat her poorly...Example one: I got fired from my job and two days later my DH asked if i'd like to get out of town and relax since i was really heart broken so we went to his parents the first thing out of her mouth is "You better find something quick my son's not supporting you to sit at home" I had just lost my job that i had had for years and had nearly two months from vacation pay and she's telling me i am a mooch on my husband
Example two: When i was 8 months pregnant at my baby shower she mentions she wanted to do a picture with my husband forming a heart over my stomach so we said ok and she starts lifting my shirt when we told her we would rather do it with my shirt down (I was very shy about my stretch marks) she rolled her eyes and said "If this is about the stretch marks i'm photo shopping them out it's not like anyone wants to look at that anyway there gross......so how do i tell her to shut up and keep it to herself with out her playing the victim and me being a bad person. Ok rant over but could use some advice :)

 
krissii

Asked by krissii at 1:55 AM on Apr. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 15 (2,127 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • She is playing it for all its worth my dear. She is an abuser and victim all in one! Her son needs to stand right up to her and let her know there are boundaries she is not to cross with his relationship or his wife. She is completely disrespectful to you and sounds like a trouble maker to boot.

    What you need to do is put a lot of space between her and you and be sure you and DH do not to talk to her about anything besides the weather. If she says something nasty to you, your husband really needs to step in and put his foot down and ignore her fake tears. Ugh. What is up with these rabid mother in laws? Why can't they just let their children have their lives and be happy for them I wonder??
    spottedpony

    Answer by spottedpony at 3:27 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • You get what you give(her) If she is going to be so insensitive there is nothing wrong with you being the same way with her. Make sure you let your husband know what she is doing and saying to you, so he understands that it isn't just you.
    stitchintime

    Answer by stitchintime at 3:58 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Have u told your DH how much her comments hurt you? Some might just tell u to ignore her and let her words just roll off of u, but its not fair to u to do that. Its does add up and starts building resentment. But next time she does those little snide remarks, get her by herself, tell her what she does hurts u, and if she starts crying, do a little snide remark yourself and tell her shes a grown woman, not as high school teenager, so stop with the hystrics. You are not being the bad person, u r still the "victim" she still is the bitch. If it helps, ask your DH what would be thr best move, just don't let him tell u to ignore her, cause as it sounds right now, it don't seem to be working. gl
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 2:17 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • MILs are just PITAS.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 2:19 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Thanks I have talked to DH and he apologizes for her and the last time he told her she needed to keep her comments to herself and treat his wife with respect she threw and huge tantrum and canceled thanksgiving and he been angry at us since........lol@ Anon i agree major PITAS
    krissii

    Comment by krissii (original poster) at 2:24 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • what is a pita?
    DomoniqueWS

    Answer by DomoniqueWS at 2:50 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • pain in the a$$= pita
    krissii

    Comment by krissii (original poster) at 2:51 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I always was straight forward with my ex mil.....she didn't like it and always thought she was right. some people you can't change. if she says you treat her poorly as her how she thinks her comments make you feel? its give and take. she needs to learn to have tact.
    OurHeartsAwait

    Answer by OurHeartsAwait at 3:27 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • @spottedpony......Cause they don't have a good life so they think nobody esle should either.
    Michigan-Mom74

    Answer by Michigan-Mom74 at 3:34 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

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