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2 Bumps

For those sexually abused

Do you find it hard to trust people even though you know they are trustworthy? I don't know if its just pregnancy hormones messing with my head or what. But I have become a bit more paranoid when it comes to DD. I guess because she's a tween now and when I was abused I was her age. Like yesterday she wanted to go to her friends house which at first I was fine with, but then she told me her friends dad was there. I've never met him, so I made DD wait till he left (He doesn't have custody which is a red flag in my messed up mind I guess).

Right now we are living with my in-laws. There aren't enough beds so Saturday when I wanted to actually sleep in the same bed as my husband for one night I had DD sleep on the couch. I panicked in bed for a few mins because I realized I left her in the same room alone at night with my FIL. Now this man I know would never hurt her. I know he's not a fucked up psycho. So I felt so guilty for thinking it.

Anyone else felt like this? And did pregnancy hormones make you a bit more protective?

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 6:10 AM on Apr. 4, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • i dont think its your pregnancy at all. when i was a child. i dont really remember the age but i know i was being watched by a neighbor who has a little girl around my age a boy alittle younger and a baby at the time. i was probably around 5 or 6. anyways i was abused by the husband of the lady that was suppose to be watching me and when it comes to my 3 yr. old DD i have issues. ive had thoughts about almost any man around her even though i know they would never hurt her. ive even gone as far as checking her after her dad watches her. im still with him and i know he would never do that but it doesnt stop me from checking and being paranoid about it. i dont think its right that im like that but its not something i want help to fix. id rather be overly paranoid and keep an eye out than something actually happen to my baby, but i can also keep it in. i know how to mask any feelings like that. my kids have never seen me anxious..
    adriana1024

    Answer by adriana1024 at 10:44 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I have a very beautiful 12 year old daughter, and I understand where you are coming from more than I would like. However, I would recommend you talk to a therapist about this. On one hand, yes, you need to keep your guard up to a degree. On the other, going overboard can really cause issues with your daughter. I know someone else who is like this. Part of her mind is convinced that no man is safe. As a result, her daughter is terrified of men because of the signals sent to her by her mother. The only man she has ever been allowed to be around is her dad. I shudder to think how this will impact her ability to trust men and have relationships in the future.
    mandaday

    Answer by mandaday at 6:41 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • cont.........and there father has never suspected anything. im sorry its somthing youve had to go through but i believe it makes a person more cautious about who and where there kids are. i also think that if its affecting your daughter then you should talk to someone and try to work through some of ther issues. good luck its not easy.
    adriana1024

    Answer by adriana1024 at 10:46 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • It's normal to want to protect your child/ren from anyone. It is normal to feel the way you do after your ordeal with sexual abuse. It is definitely a concern for girls and boy tweens. I suggest you and your tween daughter get therapy together.
    Lynnda

    Answer by Lynnda at 6:26 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I don't keep her from all men. And no I won't do therapy especially with DD. She has no idea I was ever abused and I'd like to keep it that way. I just really shocked myself to even think about my FIL in that context. The neighbors father, not so shocked. But I figured if the girls don't see their father all that much then they should have time alone and didn't need the neighbor kid hanging around either.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:47 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Unless your daughter was abused, there is NO need to introduce ideas into her head- therapy for YOU is a good idea, but not her.

    You need help, for your own sanity and peace of mind, and to protect anyone who comes in contact with you or her from false allegations.
    By the way... bio dad not having custody and visiting isn't a red flag, it's a good sign of a working family.
    ObbyDobbie

    Answer by ObbyDobbie at 6:48 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Perhaps therapy on your own (without your daughter). I didn't mean to suggest that you keep her away from all men, but kids are intuitive and can pick up on our attitudes about things. If she senses that her being around men makes you tense, especially not knowing the reason why, there's a good chance she's going to adopt some of your fear. There is a difference between caution (something she should definitely learn) and fear. Only you can know if you are crossing that line.
    mandaday

    Answer by mandaday at 6:53 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Pregnancy hormones have nothing to do with what your thinking.....once you become a mother, those thoughts will ALWAYS be in your head because of what happened to you.....What helps me get through is that I have my husband as an avocate, also.....He knows everything that has happened to me, and I tell him all the time to keep an eye on our 3 daughters with me......It helps.
    cfh72

    Answer by cfh72 at 7:52 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Was the person who abused you someone your parents should have felt "safe" having you with? If so, that could be part of it.
    Mom-2-3-Girlz

    Answer by Mom-2-3-Girlz at 8:46 AM on Apr. 4, 2011