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How do I distance my child from my friend's 'unruly' child without damaging our friendship?? Please help!

I have a friend whose child is unruly and a bully (in my opinion). My friend does not discipline because she hates to tell her children 'no'. She is a sweet, and lovely person and I value our friendship. However, I do not like my son spending time with her child because DS is often pushed over, etc. for no reason. The other child thinks this is funny and his mother (my friend) does not say anything to correct his behavior. Both children go to the same school (but diff. grades) and see each other often....How do I put distance between the children without hurting my friend's feelings or damaging our friendship? I hate conflict.... : (


Asked by Anonymous at 10:14 AM on Apr. 4, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • You should be able to talk to your friend honestly. Her child needs discipline and maybe an an observer you can tell her how others see her child. She needs someone to open her eyes to his behavior. Who better than a close friend? She may get mad at first, but usually honesty is appreciated.

    Answer by Nicoles2LilRams at 10:20 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Have you tried talking to your friend about it? Maybe she doesn't think she is doing anything wrong, or see how much this is hurting the relationship.

    Answer by KateShesGreat3 at 10:20 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • The next time she invites you to be with her, ask if her boy is in a better mood. When she asks why, just tell her that last time he tripped, hit, pushed, or whatever he did. Maybe that will open the door for discussion of the problem. He definitely has behavior problems. And, when my girls were subjected to that kind of behavior, I actually took the other child my the arm (or shirt) and delivered them to their mother. I suggested the kid needed timeout. If mom didn't correct the kid, we left.

    Answer by Kimimale at 10:29 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • When this happens with my children, I just start speaking up to the child myself. I usually just tell them that we don't play that way and please not to do whatever they did again. Usually the kid is a little shocked that I said something to them and they ususally stop doing it. I don't raise my voice or anything...just use a normal tone and ask them to stop. I figure if the other mother isn't going to do anything, I am not going to stand there and let my child get pushed around. If it continues, stop seeing them.

    Answer by khedy at 10:43 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Just make excuses when she wants to get together with the kids. Make dates with her alone when you can leave the kids with someone and go to dinner, lunch, movies or shopping. Tell her you need time for yourself without the kids.

    Answer by ILovemyPaulie at 10:20 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • THANK YOU for all your advice so far!! I joined CM this morning, specifically to post this question and it is such a relief and so reassuring to hear all your you can tell, this situation is really stressing me out : (

    I have spoken many times to the child, as KHedy suggested. Things like, "play nice", "let's not do that" etc. I guess at this point, I am frustrated that my friend hasn't picked up on the need to correct HER child's behavior and doesn't even seem to think it needs redirecting...sigh. I am ready to distance our friendship for this reason, too.

    Anyway, please keep the advice coming and THANK YOU so much for the feedback so far. it is much appreciated!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 11:11 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Get together with her without the kids. Go out for girl's nights out, or during the day while the boys are at school.

    Answer by riotgrrl at 11:36 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I have the smae I just hang out with them w/out our children!

    Answer by JoLee12345 at 1:19 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Thanks everyone for all your good advice! I will def. put it to use!!

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 5:47 PM on Apr. 4, 2011