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Help!!

How do you get your child to open up with out having to ask questions all the time about what's going on? Mine is 'like pulling teeth to get any info out of her' at home but with her friends it's totally different. At school in her lessons she doesn't elaborate in papers and it gets her a poor grade at times. I don't know if this is common at age 13 but she's always been this way somewhat but it's getting worse. It's like she's in her own secretive world.

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 10:31 AM on Apr. 4, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Answers (11)
  • Not to make fun of it but she's 13 it's pretty common. When my kids go into their shells, which is often, I try to spend some one on one time with them, even if it's just at the kitchen table having coffee. Try asking her open ended questions. Also I have found out over the years that if kids think we are going to disagree with them or if they don't think we would approve of something then they tend to shut us down. 13 is a tough age, she's still a kid but wants to be an adult and have some independence. My advice would be to listen listen listen, have a sense of humor and don't overreact when she tells you something. If all else fails don't worry this is just a stage and she'll get over it...eventually. Just be there for her, and keep the hugs coming!
    MommaKath1975

    Answer by MommaKath1975 at 10:40 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Id say it's common for a teenager to be ultra private where the parents are concerned. Getting nay info is nearly impossible. You cant force them to open up. You can only try to show her your not going to freak out at any info she tells you and try and be there for her. If you force the kid's today they get even more secretive it seems.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 10:41 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I would say most teens are very private, I think that they do not feel they can talk to mom or dad, I thank god that my DD talks to me, but I do make it a point everyday after school on the ride home I ask tons of questions, and when she seems silent I try to help her understand I am on her side no matter what! We do a lot of mommy and daughter days as much as we can I think that helps! Good luck
    jenn2bowman

    Answer by jenn2bowman at 10:49 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Think back to when you were a teen, were you totally open w/ your parents? This is what I have to remind myself of all the time. Your dd is trying to figure out who she is, and trying to build some independence. etc. If her being vague is affecting her school work though, you need to sit her down and have a talk. She's not a "child" , but she's not an adult either, and it's a tough age. You just have to keep an eye on if she's beginning to seperate herself from friends and everyone else, and truly shut herself off from the world, because depression is common around this age.
    HappyEndings

    Answer by HappyEndings at 10:52 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • It is very common at this age. I would say try reading the book "Get Out of My Life" It is a really good book about what teenagers and preteens are going through.  I think you have to try and let her be herself and let her come to you.  Let her know that you are there for her although don't force her to talk and don't get angry if she doesn't talk.  Just say something like "I'm here for you if you need me."  More than likely she will grow out of this.


    Good Luck!

    cornflakegirl3

    Answer by cornflakegirl3 at 10:58 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I'd say its pretty common, I have two boys and I'm lucky that they have always talked to me about pretty much anything. Some ways I do that is by telling them about my day, or asking weird random questions to get them to think about things and have opinions. This way we have a conversation starter.
    My 13 yr old tends to get much more annoyed than my 16 year old, I know its his age. When he gets like that I let him have his time, he eventually comes back to me to talk when he's taken some time for himself.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 11:50 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • It's normal for a 13 yr old to not open up to parents. It is not a good thing that she can't express herself in her work. Help her to learn how to express herself in writing, it will help her open up and help increase her grades.
    tyfry7496

    Answer by tyfry7496 at 11:56 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I get along with kids a hell of a lot better than I do adults. I can give honest and good tips here, if you are willing to listen and actually follow through. First, a teen needs to be able to relax. A teen also needs freedom but with the knowledge that your there. Since I don't know your situation I can only recommend so much. You have to spend time with her. Be genuinely interested in the things that she is interested in. A YA can pick up when your faking. Then you have to spend quality time doing what They want to do. Go places together but stay far enough away she doesn't feel crowded. You have to stay close enough also to talk when she does start opening up. Don't be afraid to embarrass yourself telling stories to get a laugh. Ask questions about her friends, but only in a way that would help her get together with them more often. Show her that your not just a mom, but a friend. Don't criticize, respect her.
    blainesgirl

    Answer by blainesgirl at 1:27 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • take her out, do girly days, then start talking about things...like i remember when i was your age....__________ fill in the blank...thats what i do when i see my daughter closing up. My girl is 12 going on 30, way too mature for her age - she keeps me on my toes.
    BalooSkii

    Answer by BalooSkii at 4:46 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Most teens don't talk to their parents. All you can do is pry. Ask questions. Try to have an open honest path for communication. 

    Kimberly71682

    Answer by Kimberly71682 at 6:48 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

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