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Need relationship advice..kinda long again sorry..

Well we are having marriage problems after only 2 1/2 years. Been together around 5 years, had our first child 8 months ago. I've opened up and told him how I feel, tell him I'm not happy, sick of him emotional abuse, ect...he knows exactly how I feel and yet doesn't change! I've been threatening him that I will leave b/c I'm sick of his crap and I'm not going to put up with it forever. I've been making my own plans and doing what I want with our son in my free time b/c he never makes time for us, we could sit all 24/7 and he would be gone most of the day or outside and not spend any time with. So now he gets mad that "I run all over the place" all the time. Should I feel bad about that?? Also, since I've told him that I have thought about divorce his new thing now is, oh you must have a boyfriend, or oh you wanna go chase another man ect..I'm such an indecisive person, I've let him run the show since we've been married. He makes big purchases without me, makes big decisions without me ect. I'm sick of my life flying by and I just sit here unhappy wondering what else is out there. I want to get out there and live, I wanna go for walks and bike rides, and hikes ect with the person that I love and our kids. Not sit in my house & raise our children alone. What should I do???

 
Ambie0526

Asked by Ambie0526 at 10:35 AM on Apr. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 16 (2,562 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (9)
  • Kind of in the same boat. Feel free to PM me if youd like.. My Husband and I just split..
    xxMasonsMommaxx

    Answer by xxMasonsMommaxx at 1:13 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I think you know what to do. Empty threats are useless. Either he treats you right and is a good partner or he is not and you get out. Did he treat you this badly before you got pregnant? (I don't need an answer this is just for you to ask yourself) If he did why would have ever had a child with someone who didn't treat you right? (again no answer needed) It sounds like his emotional abuse has beat you down and now you are questioning even the most innocent of actions - getting out of the house to do activities with your child. My ex used to pull that "make me think I was wrong or crazy bullshit". I wouldn't put up with it - but that is just me. If you need a bunch of anon women on forum to tell you what you should do ----then you are obviously not at the point you've had enough. You'll know when the time is right - I just hope you don't waste too many years with this idiot. Good Luck.
    8Tinkerboo8

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 10:41 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • How was it before you had your kiddo? Did he change after the baby was born, or was he always distant? I agree with tinkerboot, unless this is something that has happened since the birth or your baby,, maybe counseling?
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:45 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I agree - living super near parents (either set) is usually not a good thing. Sure there are some exceptions but my best friends lives across the street from her parents - LITERALLY catty corner and she is miserable. Feels like she has no life because her family is all up in her business.
    8Tinkerboo8

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 10:46 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Sounds like a power play on his part. He has always been in control. He can do what he wants but you can't. You have to do what he thinks you should do. He wants to know where you are all the time? That's how my abusive ex started out. Then it progressed to beatings when I couldn't prove where I was or I took too long at the store or he couldn't find something he was looking for. I would start packing. Move in with your folks until you can get work and support yourself and your baby. It's sad when half of the relationship is 90% me-me-me. Good luck.
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 10:58 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • If you are miserable do what makes you happy. Don't sit at home regretting that you missed your life because he wanted it that way. I often feel that I have let a lot of my life slip away and I do regret it at times and resent my dh for it as well. Getting out and go for walks and visiting grandparents is not in any way a bad thing and if he has a problem with it then he has more control issues than he cares to admit. You should not be a prisoner in your own home just to make him happy that is not fair to you or your child. Life is too short not too enjoy.
    2boysnaprincess

    Answer by 2boysnaprincess at 11:01 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • By the way-when I do go anywhere 99% of the time I go to my parents house. Not Running around.
    Ambie0526

    Comment by Ambie0526 (original poster) at 10:37 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Also, the house we purchased was his decision (2miles away from his folks)..which I think is good & bad. I love my family too, but in my opinion there comes a time when you need to grow up and leave, and live life with your new family not run to their house almost daily..do you agree??
    Ambie0526

    Comment by Ambie0526 (original poster) at 10:38 AM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • IMO, don't threaten things you are not willing to really do. If you tell him do this or I'll leave, and you don't leave, he'll never believe what you say. If you are that unhappy, really sit down with him and spell it out if you have to. Sometimes guys don't get it and you need to lay it all out for them. Give him your reasons, ask him what you can both do to make it work. If he still doesn't see an issue or want to work on it, then tell him how you are going to proceed.

    I did that with my ex-husband and it took me a while to come to the decision to end my marriage, but it was the right decision for my son and me. I mapped out how to execute what I needed to do to get the divorce done and take care of my son and me.
    rio_burb

    Answer by rio_burb at 12:03 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

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