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please help.....??

so ive been with my SO for 5 yrs. we have a 5m old. since day 1 he told me he doesnt smoke pot but has lied to me on and off about it forever. well when i got preg he said for sure he was done and wouldnt touch it ever again. we have still argued here and there about it because i cant seem to believe he actually quit. well last night we went out to celebrate his b-day and this morning when i got in i found some leftover pot in my car. when i confronted him he denied it but then admitted that since it was his b-day he wanted to smoke and thats the first time since we last talked about it (over 2 mos ago) i told him last time it was the last time and i would leave if it happened again. so today i packed my bags and the babys bags and he saw i was serious and started beggin me to stay sayin he would do anything to keep me and herhere...please dont be rude but i need some serious advice...what should i do???

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Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:08 PM on Nov. 29, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (9)
  • Couples counseling. It sounds like deception and denial are the real problems here.
    BlueFrogMama

    Answer by BlueFrogMama at 4:10 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • maybe you could sit him down now he has realised you are serious and talk to him and maybe he will listen to you ,explaine why you dont want a relationship with someone who smokes pot ,how its not healthy for your relationship and you dont want your daughter brought up around it , and how he will miss out on your daughters growing up b.c he will be stoned for the important times ,good luck x
    loulou332

    Answer by loulou332 at 4:14 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • This happened to me too. I left him for two months, but sometimes I wish I hadn't. It was very hard. My children cried for him everyday...and I cried because I love my husband. But pot is illegal for a reason. If the police find pot in the house or car with the kids there... they will take the children. Like the above poster said...if he's serious, tell him you want councelling. And if you're Christian, go to a Christian counsellor. It will make all the difference in the world! Good luck, honey.
    brandyj

    Answer by brandyj at 4:18 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • loulou332, brandyj Don't have a clue what they are talking about! He will not be stoned for the important times! And the Police will not take the kids if they find a little in the house! Also the police aren't gonna be searching the house unless he is suspected of drug DEALING or MURDER or something serious! Having a little bit of pot on your person , in your car, or in your house for personal use is just a misdemeanor!! They will not take your kids away!! I would bet that most of your friend and relatives have smoked pot at some point in there lives and probably still do on occassion! I am 40 years old and was terrified of any DRUGS growing up! I have never tried any drugs until I was 21 and tried pot!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • Cont....................I can't INHALE! lol I tried it several times since and managed to get a slight buzz one time! It's not worth the effort to try anymore! lol Cocaine is a DRUG to me. I tried it one time when I was really depressed! I will never try that again! Pot is NOTHING!! He doesn't do it all the time!! You'll be throwing away a perfectly good marriage if you leave over something so stupid!
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:32 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I posted on this earlier and my heart reaches out to you. Every time I threaten to leave he begs me not to. But like you said every time is the last time. BrandyJ brings up a good point about the children missing the father. Your 5 month old is still oblivious to the circumstances. I'm scared to leave because my one year old already asks for daddy while he's at work. I wish that I'd left when it was easier, now I have so many reasons holding me back. If you don't think that things are going to get better I'd leave before it gets any worse. I know its easier said than done.
    Spears07

    Answer by Spears07 at 4:33 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • spears07 so have you decided to leave or no? thanks for your answer i appreciate it coming from someone in my same situation all my friends think im over reacting. even now he keeps texting me asking if i will be here when he comes home....i dont know what to do
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:43 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • i see ur dilema here. its hard 2 leave someone u love. but when it comes 2 drugs ur kids come first i would leave for a few wks see how it goes try to see if he really is serious. the kids do not need that anywhere around them. if he can show he can quit during trial then u know he is serious if not. it will be hard on kids but they can acept things
    sae931

    Answer by sae931 at 9:25 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I think if you would like to make it work he should agree to go to counseling. I agree with the very 1st PP & pot in THE CAR is a big deal. It is illegal. Had yall been stopped & cops found it you would both be charged with possession of an illegal drug. If the baby was with you at the time in a lot of states the charges would have been enhanced & hopefully you wouldn't be in a school zone or drug free zone or the enhancement would have been added on to. *SO* it is a big deal & he needs someone in addition to you telling him so IMO. The lying & his whole thoughtless attitude in regard to your safety, feelings & possible CPS fight to keep your baby needs to be addressed on a serious level. Yep they always beg when they get caught or it is in their face that they screwed up !!

    strongmom40

    Answer by strongmom40 at 7:21 AM on Nov. 30, 2008

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