Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Is it wrong?

My friend who is 27 had a child who is 3 now and the father was a dead beat. He had 3 kids he didnt take care of before she met him. ( a sign to saty away for me at least) Well he was out of the picture as soon as he found out she was pregnant. Shes always been a negative type of person. But her parents have helped her for over 3 years now and they are tierd of it they have him 4 nights a week and all day saturday. She is working and going to school. They want her to move out asap. Me and my dh and dd lived off of 290 a week we didnt get medical card or food stamps like she does. And shes complaining how unfair they are being and how shes not going to make it without help. I told her its not your parents responsibility to take care of your son and you can do it you dont want to. You could make it you just wouldnt be able to blow your money off like your use to. She doesnt have any money saved up after 3yrs of paying nothing. I guess it pisses me off because me and my dh did this with no help she has help and abuses it. There are soooo many women out there with no help no family and they get things done and i respect that because its hard. Shes mad at me for not taking her side she wont talk to me. was i wrong?

Answer Question

Asked by whitenena at 12:02 PM on Apr. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 17 (4,298 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • nope, someone had to tell her.

    Answer by zoejains_momma at 12:04 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • nope. i think more people (her parents) should've said something long ago. i would've done the same.
    i can't stand it when someone complains about stuff like this, without ever trying to fix the problem themselves. they are spoiled or lazy, in my book.
    good for you for telling her what you thought!

    Answer by dullscissors at 12:05 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • should have saved while at her parents house.. you were not wrong..

    Answer by maiahlynn at 12:05 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I think you were honest. ANd, honesty in friendship can be very helpful. Instead, though, of focusing on what has been wasted, help her learn about ways to move on from today forward. Maybe suggest to her areas that can give (hair appt, manicures, lunches) and areas that can be lowered (cell phone plans, etc). Help her by being a part of the solution.

    But, no, you weren't out of line.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 12:09 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Her parents need to kick her out so that she can see things from a different point of view...

    My mom kicked out my sister when she was 20 years old & with a toddler. It was the best thing my mother did, she is on her own now & does not need help. Of course, she still thinks my mother is a bitch for doing it. BUT, all of us in the family see how much it helped her. She was just lazy & didn't want to HAVE to work hard, like she has to now.

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:14 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • you were not wrong, you were being an honest, loving friend. The truth hurts sometimes...

    Answer by samurai_chica at 12:15 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I don't think you are wrong. I agree with you- too many people depend on their parents when they get in trouble. It's one thing if you actually NEED the help, but a completely different story when you can do it and you just don't want to.

    Answer by lovingmy4babies at 12:17 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Wrong for what it doesnt sound as if you did any thing you talked more about her parents. I guess she just wanted you to be able to agree with her and that was it. The big issue is her parents they shouldnt help her for so long and then now say i'm tired of it get out. Thats not right they should of put their foot down from the start. They could just watch their grandson on the weekends and she can find a baby sister the rest of the week where she has to pay for. She sounds like she just wants to us every one to make it easy on her self. Now she cant hang. You are not who she should be mad at its her parents she should be mad at she should able to go to you and talk even if its not some thing you agree with on her. She shouldnt just stop talking to you. So dont worry about it but still be there for her but dont give in to a point.

    Answer by butterflies78 at 12:31 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I don't think you did anything wrong, you gave her your honest opinion.

    Answer by MizLee at 12:40 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • People like your friend have a sense of entitlement. They think everyone owes them rent, food, what ever they want! Her parents have not done her a favor helping her so much, life will be rough for her until she learns to manage her money. My dh and I have done things on our own, no help. I don't begrudge those who get help, but I find that they get into a lot of trouble because they don't know how to take care of things themselves. Know you'll always be better off because you worked for it! :o)

    Answer by Austinsmom35 at 12:59 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.

Next question in Relationships
How would you react??!

Next question overall (Pregnancy)
? about labor