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How do you handle a teenager that wants to do what she wants without consideration of the rules?

My daughter will be seventeen in 3 weeks. We have had a really hard time getting her to understand that rules are in place for a reason, and one of the biggest rules we have is to ask for permission first!

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Missie40

Asked by Missie40 at 12:48 PM on Apr. 4, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 6 (104 Credits)
Answers (14)
  • Permission for what? Please be specific.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 12:48 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Well set consequences for her breaking the rules. Like No cell phone, internet, TV, going out, having friends over. Take things away, make her sit facing the wall for the day for breaking the rules. She dosnt have long to go till she is 18, but I think as long as they live in your home it's your rules or they can live elsewhere.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 12:52 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • 'Well set consequences for her breaking the rules"

    This is exacly what I was thinking. She is going to learn one way or another that there are consequences for bad choices. Better she learns it in your house than in the legal system.
    kayslay

    Answer by kayslay at 12:54 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • The rules and consiquenses (spelling?) need to be VERY clear. When my teens were younger I needed to tighten the reigns a bit. Now that they are older not so much. I did not waiver on what was expected. I also gave them more responsibilities like helping with dinner and car upkeep.
    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 12:55 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Good Luck to ya I've had the same issue with my daughter who is now 18 and decided she couldn't live by simple rules which were made VERY clear - we actually put everything in writing because she's so tricky with what she perceives we did or did not say. Instead of living at home while going to school, doing some simple chores and simply communicating about her plans she has decided to move out and live in a crappy little apartment without a car. So I went from where you are to her basically having a piss off attitude the day she turned 18. Unfortunately I think some kids just have to learn the hard way. I wish I could give you some ideas that work but we literally tried EVERYTHING and nothing worked. We tied chores/responsibility to allowance, entertainment (phone/tv/internet) We tried incentives, taking stuff away, natural consequences etc.
    8Tinkerboo8

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 1:02 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • good luck!!!! wish i had some good advice but i dont hugs

    skipet13

    Answer by skipet13 at 1:03 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I do set boundries and I do set consequences for her actions. She has been without her cell phone and grounded from her car, etc. In general she is a great kid. She is just at that age she loves to hang out with her friends and when plans change she forgets to keep us in the loop. I am grateful for the age of cell phones so that I can check up on her. As far as the one comment about sitting her facing the wall or telling her to move out....although she might act like she is two at times and I would like to sit her in timeout--that wouldn't really work at 16...and as far as telling her to move out...it's not that bad yet. Most of what we are experiencing is a teen trying to grow up to fast.
    Missie40

    Comment by Missie40 (original poster) at 1:09 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Take your teenager to places where they can see what happens when rules aren't followed. Give her the guidance she needs before it is forced on her. Make sure she knows that your trying to help guide her, not bully her. Take her to places where order, permission, rules are needed. Places like a Town Hall Meeting, a local Hospice Center, or even Day Cares. At local meetings she can learn that everyone gets a say as long as they follow the order that things are done with respect and patience. At Hospice Centers she can see how people can be shut out, made to live as the lowest denominator. But how with patience and good people that they still survive. Even Day Care units can teach manners to the most rebellious teenager. Make her see what happens when order, rules are followed. Show her what happens when they aren't. Either way, just remember to be patient and make sure she knows you do it for her and not for you. Good Luck!
    blainesgirl

    Answer by blainesgirl at 1:09 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Do her plans change after she goes out or before? I'm just asking because my son who is 16 will sometimes change his plans too, but usually it's before he goes anywhere, so it gives me the opportunity before he leaves to ask what the plan is.
    I've had to sit him in down the past and explain to him the reasons I have to know what is going on. The rules are really simple, who are you with, where are you going, when will you be and how can I reach you if you don't answer your cell phone...(he always answers his cell, but just in case). It's a matter of his safety not because I need to absolutely every detail, just the basics, because you simply never know what could happen. Since that talk he's been really good about it, and always calls if they end up leaving one place to go to another. He knows if isn't where he should be, then he doesn't get to go out the next time. Taking away friends works well for us.
    blessedwboysx3

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 2:02 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I don't have alot of rules other than being respectful to others, respecting themselves, being honest and being safe. When I say no to my girls its usually because it's because of one of those and I clearly explain that to them, and more times than not they understand. As long as I know where they are and who they're with and what time they will be home, I'm a happy momma. Their plans do change but as long as they let me know I'm fine with it.
    MommaKath1975

    Answer by MommaKath1975 at 2:37 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

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