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How to deal when you & spouse do not agree on parenting issues regarding a step child ( I am the step mom)?? We have no children together nor do I have any children.

Answer Question
 
one4rnj

Asked by one4rnj at 12:58 PM on Apr. 4, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (8)
  • It is up to the biological parent to make decisions regarding the rules and such for the child.
    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 1:10 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Unless you are the sole provider for that child and mother isn't around, it's not up to you. It's between the parents. Maybe communicating with the both of them would help.
    Musicmom80

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 1:12 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • i agree with musicmom80 but at the same time i think she should have a voice as to how things are in her house say they have a kid together the rules should be the same for their kid and his kid.

    whitenena

    Answer by whitenena at 1:21 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • All you can do is sit down with him and try to come up with something. As a step mom your hands are tied though. You are not the biomom or biodad and most choices and decisions for the child will be made by them. Many times people go into a marriage and think things will change according to what they want. How you would raise your children, is almost always different then how someone else would. Just some advice, dont think you are going to get to change the ways things have gone so far. If this is how he has been raising his child, odds are it will be how it continues.
    gemgem

    Answer by gemgem at 1:25 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Being the step mom is a thankless job. You get all the responsibilities but no rights. My dh lets me make the decisions for my ss as well as the kids we have together but I his primary care taker and I've been mommy since he was two. His mom doesn't see him at all. But when he was younger she did, she got him every other weekend. I think you should be able to make decisions too.

    Kimberly71682

    Answer by Kimberly71682 at 5:16 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Tell hubby it is up to him.
    dancer

    Answer by dancer at 5:18 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • It's up to the hubby however it's your home too. There needs to be specific rules to follow and you both should agree. I'm in the same boat. If I don't agree with your hubby talk to him but not in front of the kiddo. If my SD is disrespectful and my DH isn't around I'm the adult in charge. I have taken away privleges and given the occasional time out but her and I are quite close. You are not the parent but remember you have some say to what is acceptable in your home.
    Elysium927

    Answer by Elysium927 at 6:11 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I am very much in the same boat as you. Will become a step mom very soon and my SO same with mine. My DD is 17 and his DD is 4. big age difference. He has no problem voicing his opinio about my DD and when she does something to make him mad(which does not happen a lot, but I take into consideration his concerns) Now when it comes to his DD who is 4, it takes a new direction. Shes not a horrible child by any means but when she is here she is rule of the roost and knows shes got Daddy wrapped around her fingers and uses that(yes at 4, she knows,lol). I have tried to express my opinion to him on some concerns such as sleeping arrangements, her eating patterns and how he "lets" her basically do whatever she wants when shes here, and have met with much disapproval from him on things. I know its all an adjustment period and we have much to learn about each other's children but its hard when you feel as if you can't say anything.
    CopingMom33

    Answer by CopingMom33 at 11:17 AM on Apr. 11, 2011

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