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3 Bumps

How do I put it delicately that I don't want to sleep over at my mom's house anymore when we come to visit?

My mom lives two hours away, so it's only common sense to spend the night there when we go down to visit. But every single time we spend the night there, one of us gets sick. My DD always comes down with a fever and starts throwing up, my allergies act up because of the massive dog hair, I've had two miscarriages while I was visiting, my husband has had two kidney stones pass while down there on two seperate occassions, my baby girl always gets a fever. Not to mention I think there is massive mold in her bathroom and really realy bad rust in the pipes.

She lives at that house alone, with no one to help her take care of it. I tried suggesting to her to sell the place and give it to a FAMILY and move into a condo or somewhere where someone can help her keep up the place but I don't think she takes me very seriously. I'm just kind of sick and tired of getting sick everytime we visit. I would try stay in a hotel room but that costs money and I don't know who else to stay with.

Answer Question

Asked by Imogine at 1:39 PM on Apr. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Level 22 (14,425 Credits)
Answers (21)
  • Maybe offer to help her correct some of those issues so neither her or yourselves have to tolerate it!

    Answer by BaileysMom476 at 1:42 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • just explain to her how you feel. you can't really do much more than that. if she doesn't like it, then you should probably just stay somewhere else. I wouldn't like getting sick all the time either..

    Answer by febmom007 at 1:43 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • i would be sure to make the visit very early in the morning so you got the 2 hour drive down there and take the day to visit her and then set a time in the evening to leave. if she doesnt understand why you can't spend the night, i would make up an excuse.

    i do this once every year when there is a christmas party about 2 hours away from us too but we dont spend the night, we are sure to come home.

    Answer by americansugar80 at 1:44 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Just make it a day trip. Leave early in the day, visit for a while, and return home the same day. We did this for years, and 4 hours in the car when it's broken up is not bad at all. And you can use it for quality time as a family. It's really much more convenient that having to pack up all the stuff for an overnight visit.

    Answer by NannyB. at 1:46 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Your family's health is a priority. Tell her your concerns and let her know you will be staying in a hotel in the future. It might be a nice break for her to stay there as well so check into bigger rooms or an additional one.

    Answer by meooma at 1:46 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Why would you give a mold infested home to a family? A house can't cause 2 miscarriages and kidney stones by staying the night in it. If you aren't comfortable, you aren't comfortable. Why don't you invite her to your home?

    Answer by Musicmom80 at 1:47 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I would just focus on the dog hair and your allergies - that is a good and valid excuse without maybe hurting her feelings. I had to tell my mom I can't even go over to her house the cigarette smoke is so bad. I told her I physically have a hard time breathing for hours after leaving her house and I'm just getting too old to deal with that. I think you can do it tactfully without hurting her feelings.

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 1:48 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Do you have an siblings? I think the issue is that your Mom cannot or willnot take care of the house anymore,,perhaps you could enlist some help talking to her about it, if she has mold it is going to need cleaned up before she can sell her house,, I agree that I would leave early in the morning and drive back home, surely if you point out how bad your allergies are, she will understand,, I DK about the kidney stones though,, bad timing, LOL! Hugs to you!

    Answer by kimigogo at 1:49 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Just say "It's too much of a pain to pack bags for everyone and we have to go to --------- tomorrow" My parents also live 2 hours away. I have never even considered sleeping over. That would mean 1 visit would take the whole weekend. We don't have that kind of time.

    Answer by mompam at 1:49 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Yeah I know i can't blame a house for miscarriages and kidney stones, but it just seems coincidental that it's all happened when we go down to visit. I don't want to keep my girls from seeing their grandma which is why I haven't said much about the issue, but at the same time I would think she would be concerned too if my oldest gets sick everytime she visits her. I've tried telling her to get my brothers to help her and she says they have, but clearly they haven't done much if the house is still a wreck and there's rust in the pipes. My oldest brother has the money to hire a plumber for her and I think if they arranged something to where she pays HIM for the plumber, she can get the piping fixed. I swear it's the same pipes that were installed when the house was built in the 40's.

    Sorry I'm rambling.

    Comment by Imogine (original poster) at 1:52 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

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