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Husband going out

My husband has started wanting to go out to "happy hour" with his friend every Sunday. He says it helps him destress. I know he's not cheating on me, he's with my best friends husband most of the time. A lot of the time though I say I need him to do something and he will say "no he NEEDS to go out" and I think he has his priorities screwed up. Everytime I try to bring it up he fights with me and says it's me trying to control his and not wanting him to go out when really I just think he needs to grow up! I feel like we can't talk about this topic without arguing, any tips?

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Asked by Anonymous at 2:13 PM on Apr. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (13)
  • wish I could help you there, I have a similar problem there.. all I can say is, let him have his space and maybe he'll come around.

    Answer by febmom007 at 2:15 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Are you averse to giving hubby a honey-do" list on Friday night and then let him manage his time accordingly? Is the problem really that you don't want him going out, or that you really want item X, Y or Z done? If the list is done, are you OK with him going out?

    I'd have no problem with him going out, provided the list is done. We work before we play.

    Answer by gdiamante at 2:20 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • If Sundays are his evenings to unwind,arrange for him to do needed activities on a different day or earlier in the day. Perhaps you would feel better if you also had an evening a week to unwind. Everyone needs a little time to destress.


    Answer by thecoffeefairy at 2:22 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • He's telling you he needs a few hours a week to de-stress. My husband does too, he goes out with friends every Thursday night. I know there may be other things he needs to do, but are you dropping it on him right before he goes? Is it stuff that can wait until later? If so, I can see where he may feel like you are doing this to control him from going out. There are plenty of things my husband needs to do, but he also knows to schedule his responsibilities and free time accordingly.
    If you know he is behaving and not spending money you can't afford or otherwise acting irresponsible, then he is behaving like a grown up, and should be entitled to a little time for himself.

    Answer by mandaday at 2:22 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Well this is a hard one. My thoughts are let him go out. If something has to be done it can be done before or after the fact. I know what its like to need to get out. You say your ok with it but his priorities are screwed up how so? He is telling you he needs to "BREATHE" so to speak. Let him! And if you need the same in return get it.

    Answer by StefInfection at 2:26 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • No sorry maybe I wasn't clear. It's not like "Oh you need to take our the trash becaquse it's Sunday so you can't go out.". He takes care of his responsibilityes. It's things like the family wants to go to dinner and they say lets go Sundfay and he will say "NO PICK ANOTHER DAY THATS MY DAY TO GO OUT.". Really? I tell him to just pick another day to go out but it turns into a fight because he says I am trying to tell HIM wha to do. Or our daughter asks to do something that I would like him to come with on a Sunday and I Feel like he should pick us and he says "nope I'm going out, it's Sunday". AM I wrong? Am I just crazy? Why should going out be THAT important?

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:36 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • How often are you scheduling other events on Sunday? Perhaps you two could agree to having one Sunday a month that is family time and he can go out on a different night. I would imagine his frustration stems from having other events scheduled during the time he had repeatedly expressed he would like his free time. If it's always at the same time, it's understandable that he may think you would expect him to have plans to go out at that time and not pick right then if you really want him to go with you and not feel he has to choose between downtime and family time.

    Answer by mandaday at 2:41 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • That's the thing, it's not often. It's happened maybe twice. Once wasn't even me it was his brother moving so he couldn't go that week and the next week I asked him not to go so we could take our daughter to a movie and he flipped his head saying "NO I MISSED LAST WEEKE!!!!" well that wasn't my fault! I think I'd be more receptive if he wasn't so crazy protective about it. Maybe it's because I don't NEED that, that I don't understand so I was looking for other perspectives on it.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 2:45 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Honestly, a few hours to himself with the guys isn't going to hurt your relationship. If anything it will make things better because he obviously needs that time to destress, happier people make for a happier marrige and family. If you don't need that time then, cool, but if you're feeling jelous, why don't you take a few hours on saturday and go shopping or hang out with your friends?

    Answer by gypsymama532 at 2:52 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • My husband doesn't go out. He may go out for drinks with his friends from work every once in awhile. I do not understand the need to go out once every week. Especailly on a Sunday. At our house Sundays are Family Days, my husband's only day off. I say let him go. As long as you get your one day a week to "Destress" too!

    Answer by eluc at 3:01 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

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