Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

New full-time stepmom of 3 under the age of 9. HELP!

I married a wonderful guy who has 3 kids. Boy (age 9) Girl (age 4) Adopted boy (age 6).
At the time of the marriage they were 7, 5, & 3 yrs old.
The childrens biological mother deceided she wanted to live a different lifestyle and stepped out of the picture briefly until I came along. My husband and I relocated to a different state with the children. They are with us full-time except for a couple months out of the summer when they stay with their "mother"

Just want some advice on how to deal with the kids appropriately. They are all very attached to me and the oldest calls me mom on a regular basis.  I wish their biological mom was out of the picture.


Asked by JLang at 2:50 PM on Apr. 4, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 6 (125 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (7)
  • Best case scenario is that the children are lucky to have two women in their lives who love and support them unconditionally. Worst case scenario, they only have you to do that. They are bonded to you for a reason and they live in your home the majority of the time so you have great influence over their lives. Just keep loving them as though they were your own and I think the rest will fall into place. Children are smart enough to know where their love comes from, and especially as they get older they will know who has been there for them, whether that is you and their mother, or only you. The teen years might be tough, but no parent is immune to that whether step or otherwise so just hang in there. A mother isn't someone who gave birth to a child, it's a person who nurtures, loves and protects that child.

    Answer by MaryMW at 3:04 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • i feel you i have a 5 month old daughter of my own and 2 yr old stepdaughter and 11 month old its hard but i make the best of it...and i treat them as they were my own....

    Answer by anayasmommy21 at 2:54 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I don't have any answers for you!! But I will say this, their bio mom is most likely not ever getting out of the picture. Just enjoy your time with them and be the greatest step mom you can be!! Good luck!

    Answer by MissLoveLyfe at 3:00 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Well I am glad you have custody,, time ,,,it takes time,, it sounds like your pretty awesome, and you know you can't get her out of the picture,, just love the up,, leave the major discipline to Dad, and if you can hold of on bringing a baby into the picture,, I have been a stepmom for 17 years,,,,trust me at the end of the day (when they are grown) they will know who was there for them. I do hold my self to 3 rules
    1) never talk bad about their mother in front of them,,,tempting but bad idea
    2)understand though I love them, they are not my children,, all major issues must be left to their father
    3) never put my child above them =time=money=attention
    Good luck and hang in there!

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:00 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Good luck! An koodos to you for stepping at and being there for them... atleast they have a mother figure in their life to look up to :)

    Answer by firsttimer338 at 5:00 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • tell me about it i have 2 full time strp kids and 2 bios and the birth mum only comes along to cause truble then buggers off again i wish she just stay away but she niver dose

    Answer by feralkitten at 2:59 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Dealing with kids mom is never easy. I understand how you feel. She may be a crappy mom but their mom is their mom. It Is a pain I know but love the kids and do what is best for them. If she wants more time or causing trouble your hubby can take her to court and get something in writing.

    Answer by Elysium927 at 3:07 PM on Apr. 4, 2011