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Mother In Law Problems--Newly Married.

I just got married this past December. We eloped & wanted to have a big reception whenit warmed up. The MIL wanted to give me a reception before the wedding. I politely told her I would rather have one after the wedding. Now, justa few weeks ago she wanted my mother to send her a list of immediate family only. My mother sent it with her phone number asking to be involved. We just fgured she was starting to plan a reception. A couple weeks go by and my mother hears nothing from my MIL. I had sent my MIL my mom's number again telling her she wants to hlelp. Then, I hear from my SIL that she's not goig to invite my family because nobody wants to help. I asked her a few days later if she had contacted my mother and she replies "no why?"!!! I tell her I want my mother involved. She precedes to call me and tell me she's not disscluding my family but nobody was doing anything & she wants to get it done with. She said she wants a small family get together and people can bring a dish. SHe has not asked me ormy husband what we would like or when a good time would be. My husband even asked her to call my mom and she hasn't. My mom's feelings have been hurt and frankly, I'm angry with her. I have no idea what to do. Any suggestions?

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Asked by Anonymous at 4:08 PM on Apr. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Plan it yourself. Tell your MIL that you would like to wait until you have a few extra bucks in the bank before doing the reception. This way you can include your family and his, no feelings hurt. Your MIL seems to have a complex. She complains of no help but refuses to listen when someone is offering. Then later she can complain that she had to do the whole thing herself? Good luck with her.

    Answer by Kimimale at 4:16 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I would just have your hubby go over and speak to his mom. He can calmly ask what her plans are and if she is open to meeting with you, your wife and mother in law to plan something. I would be sure to tell her you appreciate what she has done already but that everyone would like to be involved.

    Answer by ria7 at 4:17 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • just talk to her about it. its probably a missunderstanding

    Answer by jennifer588 at 4:17 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Giiiiiirl!!! Get used to it! LOL! I've been dealing with my MIL for over 5 years now, and she is a bully. When I first met DH's family, I told MIL that I was planning a surprise b-day party for DH. She got so mad and told SIL that only SHE plans the parties! She called his entire family crying and told them not to attend. I was mortified because I was getting all of this info from other fam. members. She wouldn't answer my calls and left DH's gift on the front porch on his b-day. That was just the beginning. She made me feel so horrible about asking the family to wait 2-3 hours before visiting after my C-Section so that I wouldn't be all out of it and could enjoy company. She told the family that I was a "B***h" behind my back. I was stunned because I'd always been kind to her and truly wanted a great relationship. I recently asked her for a secret family recipe, and she purposely wrote it down wrong to sabatoge

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:19 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • (cont) my meal. I don't know why someone would treat family like she does. In your situation, I'd probably ask MIL if the reception is too stressful for her and if she'd like someone else to take over. Maybe express concern that she's doing too much and you don't want her to feel burdened, so you'd like to offer suggestions and ask your family to coordinate some of the tasks. Kill her with kindness. Things seem better between my MIL and me, but we've also moved across the country! LOL!

    Answer by Anonymous at 4:22 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Girl - DH needs to get his mother in check ASAP. I am so blessed that my SO's mother (I call her mom) is so sweet and helpful but always respects my position, my time and my home - and I her in return. If this is suppose to be for you but she is disrespecting you already and he isn't stopping it then you have a hard road ahead of your with your MIL setting the tone.

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 4:31 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • "its probably a missunderstanding "
    I bet it's not. we had close to the same thing happen with my wedding. certain people wanted to do things their way, so they came up with excuses. Such as 'no one is helping me, so I get to decide everything' it happens a LOT.
    I'd still talk to you MIL and tell her you don't want her doing this because if you don't, then she's probably going to do this for your holidays and other get togethers too.

    Answer by ItsMe89 at 4:33 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • My husband has asked her numerous times to include my family. All she says is "I"ve invited them all." It's supposed to be in 3 weeks and nobody on my side of the family has received an invite or a call. Besides that, we wanted to have a big reception since we eloped and she's calling this a "small family get together". My mother wants to just throw an actual reception with what me and husband want. My MIL doesn't even want me to invite any friends. She told my husband she has it all under control. Then made a remark to him saying that she didn't have the money to throw a big reception. That's when I think she could have asked for help.


    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:47 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • why dont you just kindly thank her for trying to do it all for you, but that you and your husband would like to handle it so you can have the reception you want, and let her know that if she would still like to be involved and help that you would all love that, but that you want it to be your reception, and would like to plan it yourself. No use having her throw this thing that you wont be happy with.

    Answer by -LovingMamma- at 5:14 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I feel for you my MIL tried to do the same thing with my wedding we finally had to tell her we were planning it and would do everything all she had to do was show up if she didn't want to do things our way (We wanted a large picnic in the park next to where we were married she wanted something at home so we wouldn't waste money grrrrrrr) to get back at us she took off after the wedding and made us wait over an hour to have our first dance then started crying and saying we were rude and unfair when we didn't play the song she liked better *Sigh* so yes i feel for you best thing to do is take the planning out of her hands and let your mom deal with it that way you know it will be how you always dreamed you only get one time to have that special day don't let her ruin it you'll regret it for a very long time

    Answer by krissii at 7:48 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

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