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5 Bumps

I'll admit it, I take this stuff personally

There have been a couple of people who I've pursued friendships with because we seem to have things in common and are going through similar stages in life. I took it personally when I noticed that the others weren't really reciprocating. It makes me feel as if there's something wrong with me. My thinking is, "I'm a good person, what in the world is so wrong with me that they wouldn't want to be my friend?". I'm quite aware that this sounds extremely elementary, but it's the truth. How do you all keep from taking this form of rejection (that's the way I see it, anyhow) personally?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 4:30 PM on Apr. 4, 2011 in Relationships

Answers (14)
  • I remind myself that we all have lives . . .sometimes very stressful and busy. Sometimes, someone just isan't "available" to be a good friend. They could be filled up to the top just with all of life's pressures.

    Give them, and you, the benefit of the doubt.

    Also, yes, we are all sooo different. Some people love shopping and fashion. Some people don't understand that at all. It just may not be a good match.

    Answer by ImaginationMama at 4:32 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I feel the same way you do.. I just keep putting myself out there.. Now that I've found one person that I actually like and she likes hanging out with me and my family too, I won't be looking anymore.

    I guess just don't give up. There are people out there that will be the best friend you always wanted and if you retreat into yourself, you'll never get to meet them!

    Answer by bdflykisses at 4:33 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • i think the problem is just because you have something in common dose not mean your personalities will gel my best friend in the world has nothing in common with me a lot of my friends are total dif then me


    Answer by feralkitten at 4:34 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • seriously when I was younger I was a person that got hurt feelings much easier than now that I am older. Sometimes people just aren't in the same place as you - even though you may think so. Unless someone makes a personal attack on me I usually give people the benefit of the doubt that they are just busy or whatever. Try to give people the benefit of the doubt with their intentions and lighten up. There are so many things that can and will legitimately bother you - don't create stuff sweetie! :) Hope that helps.

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 4:35 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I figure they are busy and have lives. I know there are times my friends have called me and I felt bad but I was too busy to get involved with whatever they were doing. New friends always tend to get the short end because established friends are already in the loop and know whats going on. Hope that makes any sense lol. I am sure not all of those people are meaning to be mean to you, most of them probably have alot going on.

    Answer by gemgem at 4:35 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • wow I cannot articulate a well thought out sentence today - but you get the gist of what I was trying to say :) ha ha

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 4:36 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I was in your shoes recently & also on cafemom asking this same question. I simply kept plugging along & kept being friendly & trying to make friends. I too felt as if there was something wrong with me & was down right depressed about it for a small time. Its not elementary just I guess sometimes it dosent work out friendship wise.

    Advice I was given via cafemom was dont be clingy, simply invite people over, start up convo with compliments, etc. I'm not saying you are or arent doing these things but eh figured I'd throw it out there. You'll find a couple friends soon just keep up the spirits & get out there.

    Answer by Mel30248 at 4:37 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Are you talking about people you friended on CM or out in the real world? I think it's harder for grown ups to make new friends with our lives being so hectic. We spend so much of our waking time working, (whether at home or outside the hm) taking care of our families, etc., that we dont have much time for our friends. Sad but true. Maybe you can try volunteering somewhere or getting involved in your church to meet people. If you have a hobby, maybe you could look in your local paper for groups that meet (like scrapbooking, quilting, etc) I wish you luck in your search for more friends- a gal can never have too many! :)

    Answer by mrsmom110 at 4:37 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Well, people are screwed up so it might have nothing to do with you at all. People have problems and jealousies and sometimes they get might be surprised.. they might think that you are just ducky and don't have a clue how you are really feeling.

    First, be honest. Rule out that you haven't crossed boundaries or haven't offended them anyway possible.

    Second, take a look at the friends you select. Do you notice any patterns with them or anything they might all have in common?

    Third, where are you in their eyes, above them...below them...equal? Sorry to say, but this does play a role in some "friendships" and I mean in every direction.

    Last, are you sure you are really putting yourself out there or are you waiting for the invitation? People lead busier lives and you need to reach out perhaps to let them know you would like to have a friendship. Invite them to a quick cup of coffee one morning perhaps.


    Answer by spottedpony at 4:47 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Maybe the need for anonymity dictates their lack of response. I wouldn't take it personally on a social networking site at all.

    Answer by meooma at 4:51 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

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