Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

Addictions

Anyone else out there stick with an non-AA attending alcoholic who does function with a job, but binges and makes me and my son CRAZY. Not violent, just verbally mean and aggressive. Just was curious if I was totally alone for still caring "after all these years".

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 4:37 PM on Apr. 4, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (6)
  • continued........I also wanted to say that my mother loved my father until the day he died but she couldn't stay with him and tolerate the verbal (and physical at times) abuse. My dad always worked his whole life - I don't think he ever took a sick day but when he would get home he would drink until he passed out and do it all again the next day. He was a pathetic sad person when he died and although my mother cared and loved him she loved herself more.............maybe you should CARE for yourself. My mother and my other two siblings all moved out of state from him because we couldn't continue to watch him drink himself in his grave - his choice didn't have to be hers.
    8Tinkerboo8

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 4:47 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Sounds like I would have left long ago. Cant help someone who doesnt want to change.
    mommy_of_two388

    Answer by mommy_of_two388 at 4:44 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Caring and forcing yourself to live a life unfulfilled and unhappy are two different things. You can still "care" for someone but realize that their behavior is crushing your soul and decide not to tolerate it. What do you think you have taught your son? That is is okay to treat a female this way and she'll stay ......the example you set in love for your children is often the path they will take. Not always but your statement just sounded so sad to me. My father was an alcoholic, my mother stayed 21 years and for most of my life I begged her to leave him - when I was 21 she finally did. No one should live a life like this. I'm so sad for you.
    8Tinkerboo8

    Answer by 8Tinkerboo8 at 4:41 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I stayed several years longer than I should have. After I left him I realized how miserable I had been. I no longer have to tiptoe around, wait up until dawn to see if he had been in an accident, keep the kids quiet while he sleeps, keep my mouth shut when his drunk ass accuses me of things, hide my money where he can't find it (he gambled, too). Life is so much easier.
    Kimimale

    Answer by Kimimale at 4:47 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I have never been in this position so I can't say for sure what I would do. It would be very hard if this man was the father of my child especially, but I would not want to live with someone who is verbally mean and aggressive when drunk and who doesn't have the good sense to then stop drinking. I wouldn't want my child exposed to that or to have that man be the role model or father figure that my child looks up to. Not to mention I wouldn't want my DH to treat me that way or my child to see me treated that way. My mother was raised by an alcoholic with anger issues, and it did get physical at times and I have seen the lifelong impact that had on her family, especially her oldest brother who received the brunt of the effects. I would not wish that on anyone. Alcoholism, or drinking problems, are something that can be changed by stopping drinking. It isn't something that anyone should have to live with. Good luck to you.
    MaryMW

    Answer by MaryMW at 4:50 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Nope, you aren't alone. My mom is a perfect example. She is my best friend during the day, but come dinner time (after 4 or 5 stiff ones) I can barely stand being around.
    meandrphoto

    Answer by meandrphoto at 4:50 PM on Apr. 4, 2011