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2 Bumps

Make him or let him choose?

My ds is 12, he lives with me and his dad since he was two. Almost four years ago his bio mom moved to Philly. We live in Arizona. In the past three summers, his mom couldn't afford to send him on a plane to Philly. Well this summer she told me that she wants to see him and she can get a plane ticket. Me and my dh talked to my son about it. He told us that he doesn't want to go on a plane by himself. He will have someone from the airlines watching him but he still doesn't want to. I called his mom and told her what he told us as well as I did make him tell her too. She just told him that it will be ok. He doesn't have to go on a plane. But when I got on the phone......She cried to me. She told me that she misses her son(my ss). She feels like she doesn't know her almost teen age son. I feel so bad but she made the choice four years ago to move away from him. Four years without seeing your kid. I couldn't do it. I wish she did know her son like I do because he is a great kid, love football, love drawing and is real good even if I'm bias. Plus he is growing into a Hanson young man. IDK. I think he should go. I know it is scary going on your own but he might regret it latter if he doesn't.


Asked by Kimberly71682 at 5:31 PM on Apr. 4, 2011 in Tweens (9-12)

Level 17 (3,993 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (14)
  • 1) I would let him decide. Talk with him ad get some real reasons for why he doesn't want to go. Is he scared of the solo flight? Does he not want to see her? Or is it a "just because" reason?

    2) I remember I was about 9 and was supposed to be accompanied by my mother on the flight back to my father, after a visitation. The flight was from Ohio to Seattle. Well, for whatever reason I wound up flying home on my own. I WAS moved to sit with another unaccompanied minor. That was about 20 years ago when flight attendants actually cared about the fliers. I'm not meaning to bash any flight attendants, I get that you're getting the short end of the stick nowadays.

    Have you looked into him flying as an unaccompanied minor? The more knowledge you can gain NOW, before the flight the easier it's going to be to address real fears.

    Answer by Rosehawk at 5:52 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Don't force him. It is his decision.

    Answer by dancer at 5:33 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I wouldn't make him. That is just too scary. But perhaps you or your husband could fly out with him and then come back right away. Then he can make a decision on whether he feels comfortable about the return flight. If he doesn't, then someone should fly with him.

    Answer by Bmat at 5:34 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • i have to ask is it the flight or going to see a women he hardly know on his own and staying with her ?

    Answer by feralkitten at 5:36 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • My grandson was traumatized by being forced on the plane ride by himself. Tell her to get on the plane and come see HIM.

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:39 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I wouldn't make him go. If she can afford a plane then she can come visit him.

    Answer by matthewscandi at 5:53 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • At 12 he is old enough to make the choice himself.

    Answer by vbruno at 6:15 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • i think i respect his deishon but maybe he couls start wrighting to his mum or emails her sending her photo and drawings

    Answer by feralkitten at 5:34 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • p.s. being escorted by the airline personnel only means they make sure you get on and off the plane. It doesn't mean they make sure you are ok when you get scared. They don't sit with them. They don't do anything more than required by their contract and these people get paid big bucks for doing a job they already get paid for. We paid $150 and my grandson got left on the plane!!!!!!

    Answer by admckenzie at 5:41 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I've heard some pretty bad stories about children flying on their own, I know of two children who had overnight lay overs and they were sent in a cab to the hotel from the airport. I wouldn't send my 12 yr old by himself, my 16 yr old sure, but not my 12 yr old.
    If he's not comfortable with it, then someone should fly with him or she should fly to see you.
    I know not all stories are bad but after hearing this from a dear friend of mine, I wouldn't do it at that age.

    Answer by blessedwboysx3 at 5:55 PM on Apr. 4, 2011