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3 Bumps

My 24 year old son just got a eviction notice and he just went back to sleep!!!!

I had my oldest son when I was 20, he'll be 24 at the end of the month.

My oldest has lived with his grandparents, and lived with my current hubby & I, and moved out a couple of times. He's got a college diploma he doesn't use, and gets jobs and gets fired or quits or just doesn't show up.

About six months ago his *online* girlfriend moved in with him and we were hoping that would really give him some kind of connection and motivation but nope :(

DS doesn't really seem to ever show emotions. He's never had a girlfriend or even a relationship with anyone until Jess showed up. He's got no friends unless they're online or his brother. We've taken him out to meet and greets, dinners etc where the are others ranging from his age to ours, tried to encourage him to get out and do things, meet people ect.


When he was living with us, he's be in his room 99% of time. Sleep most of the day, roll over and have his computer beside his bed. To say it nicely, he's a damn pig. His room would stink, his hygeine stinks and we'd tell him, our house, our rules - CLEAN UP.

When Jess was there, the place was just as bad, I couldn't even go IN it or I'd puke from the smell and mess, but I figured he's a adult, it's his business.

Anyways, he got fired, expected to go on welfare. Jess was there for six months, brought some money with her but didn't find a job, or go on welfare. Her parents finally got fed up and came and got her 2 weeks ago. My son acts like he doesn't care.

It's the 4th already and he owes $300 rent from last month, plus $500 for this month. He was turned down for welfare as he made money in March. He is doing job interviews but even if he gets hired it will take a few weeks for the first check.

I told him about a month ago, not to expect to just move back in here with us, which he just said *ok* to. Meanwhile he has no plan, and doesn't even seem to care? The other day he went to welfare, went home and went for a NAP!!!! (I had told him to go to the youth center and advocacy center)


I just don't know what to do with him. I know *tought love* and our stance is that he's not moving back in, but bottom line is, we can't let him end up on the street.


Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 7:59 PM on Apr. 4, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (18)
  • i just don't know what to do with him. I know *tought love* and our stance is that he's not moving back in, but bottom line is, we can't let him end up on the street.


    exactly and he knows that too, which is why he is not going to do a darn thing about his situation. if you want to do the 'tough love' you have to follow through. it's for his own good. imagine him 20 years from now still acting like this. it will happen if you don't put a stop to it now. sorry, but you have to suck it up and let him handle his own problems!
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:02 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • scissorYES YOU CAN LET HIM ON THE STREETS!!!!! he is young and strong, but his behind is lazy and in the back of his mind he knows mom and dad will support him. he needs to get- and- keep a damn job. do not enable him. there are senior citizens with all their aches and pains who work their tails off, sometimes they work 2 jobs...so your healthy son can do it too!!! he is lazy and unmotivated.

    gwen20

    Answer by gwen20 at 8:04 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • How do I let him go on the streets though? What about all of his stuff, most of which was passed on from my late grandfather
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:04 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • "Tough Love" means you HAVE to let him "end up on the street". Otherwise you are just enabling him.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:04 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • what about all his stuff? well, it's his stuff. you gave it to him, right? so you gave up any control you had over it. he knows you're weak....that's why he's not worried in the least bit. mom, it's time to give him a wake-up call. he can't depend on you forever!
    princessbeth79

    Answer by princessbeth79 at 8:07 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • His "stuff", you offer to store it, even pay for a storage facility. Otherwise, DON'T HELP!
    twinsplus2more

    Answer by twinsplus2more at 8:07 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • It sounds like he is having some mental health issues. You can suggest that he gets help from someone, but at 24 years old if he doesn't take your advise there is nothing you can do. I agree with the others that there comes a point where you're not helping anymore and just enabling. It's not like he is trying to do something and failing.... he's just not doing anything. It sounds like the streets are where he is going to end up no matter what at this point.
    Anonymous

    Answer by Anonymous at 8:13 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • I've had him go to the doctors and he was put on anti depressants before, which he just stopped taking of course.
    I don't know if this is mental health related or not. He won't go see a doctor. He's so passive about EVERYTHING.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 8:17 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • Yes you can ~ my 22 year old has spent many a night in his car ~ and it's not hurt him a bit. We spent from 18 to 21 in the same kind of battle with him; move home, get kicked out, get in a pickle, move home, get kicked out, muck up his life, come begging, move home, get kicked out..... the final straw came... I knew it was either stand tough or keep repeating the same insane cycle. He wallowed for a while, but has FINALLY started to come around. They do what we let them do - and those little toots will intentionally walk off a cliff when they know that we'll ALWAYS reach out to save them.... sometimes when you stop their fall, you do ultimately hinder their progress. Unless he is clinically depressed and suicidal then let him fall - if he is clinical, then pay for his counselor and meds and DON'T let him move back in. Stand up to him as a way of standing up for him... it works. GL Momma
    ShelbyShareAlot

    Answer by ShelbyShareAlot at 8:21 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

  • If it were my child he would be on the streets. Seriously, he is able bodied, just a lazy ass and he is applying for welfare??? That is the type of person that makes those who actually need welfare look bad.
    bcauseimthemom

    Answer by bcauseimthemom at 8:23 PM on Apr. 4, 2011

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