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How do you get your DH to understand this? Adult...?

We've been married for almost 5 years...two beautiful kids together..but when it's time for intimatcy, it's all about him? He doesn't take the time to consider me. I've tried talking to him and explaining you know how it hurts me that he does this and he just looks at me? I just don't understand how to make him understand...You know once a month is not enough, but it's really not even wanted when I know that it will be all about him and then it's over? I know that that's not the most important thing in the marriage, but to me, it's a huge part of it...It's something special between husband and's a connection, emotionally and physically..

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Asked by Anonymous at 6:24 PM on Nov. 29, 2008 in Relationships

Answers (12)
  • Has it always been this way? I would just flat out ASK him why it's all about him? If you tell him that he would get more sex it you got more of what you need from him he might listen more. Men tend to tune women out when they feel like they aren't satifieng they're woman in bed! Also unfortunately if this is just something that has started recently he could be chheating or just not feel the same way about you anymore. Love and sex go together for women. For men Love and sex are two separate things.

    Answer by amydh at 6:34 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • Mine used to be the same way, and honestly I didn't mind until I had the baby. Now things are different. I'm not as wet, it takes me longer to "get going" and honestly it hurts if he doesn't warm me up a bit. So after hints didn't work, I flat out told him that I couldn't do it anymore if he wasn't going to give me something first. Men have needs, and I'm ok with that, but I'm not going to be in pain in order to satisfy those needs. A quickie here and there is fine, but if he wants to actually lay down and get to business then he needs to pay attention to me or he's not getting any. Period.

    Answer by SamanthaAgain at 6:40 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I'm not married but my guy is like that. It's all about him. I've had to learn to accept it or let him go. I'm not willing to let him go. I figure I can finish myself with fantasies of him. He means no harm. He's just sexually selfish. I've come to grips with it.

    Answer by admckenzie at 6:41 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I'd be a bit more blunt, blatant and sexual. I'd have him walk in on my while I was pleasuring myself and when he gets all horny, as he will, tell him he can only join in after he finishes you off first! When he does that he will definelty want more so only put out when he plays along by your new rules.

    Answer by Waxing_Lyrical at 6:54 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • i agree with some of posters above. try those things. i wouldn't give him sex until he understood i had needs. then he might take what i say seriously when he has blue balls.

    Answer by melody77 at 7:05 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • I would tell him that from now on it's gong to be "me first" and he doesn't get anything until you are done!

    Answer by slw123 at 7:30 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • One night when you are wanting some tell him he can "Eat" you first, and then you will be with him. I think he might get the point. Guys need it straight, or they DON"T get it. You have to be point blank with them. My dh somethimes forgets that I too have had 2 babies and it isnt as easy to get going as it is for him. All I have to do is look at him right and he gets hard, just not fair. So... tell it to him like you want it and I think things could change for you.

    Answer by bubblebean at 8:15 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • try setting a mood, dress up in something you know he will like. If you take the time to let him know you are considering his needs in the bedroom, then he may be more likely to do the same for you.

    Answer by xxhazeldovexx at 9:38 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • you should so make him your pet! *wink* sorry just HAD to say that lol! I agree with the posers above! ^^

    Answer by rocketgirl22 at 10:03 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

  • Wow! admckenzie After all of the great advice you have given to people I find it hard to believe that you would put up with a man being that selfish in bed! Sounds like he is just using you for sex and you letting him get away with it! You deserve better than that!

    Answer by Anonymous at 11:13 PM on Nov. 29, 2008

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