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4 Bumps

Anyone out there in a similar situation with their adult child?

Although our 19 yr. old daughter has been in counseling for the past 16 mos., she is still so full of anger & rage. She takes it out on her brothers & father at times, but mostly on me. She wants no part of anything family related & refuses to cooperate with what little responsibility she has in the household. I feel like I live in a battlefield & get very little cooperation from my husband, who either says nothing at all or becomes verbally aggressive. I have been seeing a counselor who agrees with me on needing family counseling a.s.a.p....both my husband & daughter refuse. My goal is to turn this situation around for the positive, but without mutual cooperation, can't see it taking place. I need to also mention, our daughter is a f/t college student, has a job, doesn't take drugs, only drinks occasionally & makes responsible choices for herself otherwise. Anyone out there who's "been there...done that" with advise, please HELP....!

Answer Question
 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 3:48 AM on Apr. 5, 2011 in Adult Children (18+)

Answers (12)
  • I'm sorry, I've never been in your situation. But anger usually means sadness, feeling hurt or betrayed. Why is she so angry?
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 4:04 AM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Although I agree with your anger meaning, I do not know the reason why. This is discussed with her therapist & because of her age & the privacy act, we aren't allowed to know, only to to pay her therapy bills.......!
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:19 AM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • You have no clue why she's so angry? That seems odd to me. When did the anger start? Were there any life events or traumas around that time?
    Ati_13

    Answer by Ati_13 at 4:25 AM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • 19 years ol can take her anger and move out. Go to the dorm or room with someone esle other then the family. I have 2 grown DD's and that is what I would have done. Gave her so many months notice to move out.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 5:45 AM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I know this sounds mean. But stop paying her theripy bill if she wont talk to you and is still angry. It's been 16 months. If theripy has not worked it wll not help any ways. To me your waisting money. Make her move out. That will help her anger issues.
    louise2

    Answer by louise2 at 6:00 AM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I agree with louise. If she is in YOUR house and treating you like crap than she get just get out.
    layh41407

    Answer by layh41407 at 6:45 AM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Been there and are still there. My daughter is 23; her older brothers are all out on their own. I've been seeing my psychologist for a while. I've had a nervous breakdown, been hospitalized (this was only part of the problem though), but I go for counseling faithfully every week, sometimes a little less. Unfortunately, I can't figure out her anger either, but I'm learning to realize that she has to take ownership of her own problems and her own life. She can't afford to move out; she has nowhere to go. She hasn't been paying room and board, but we're keeping her tax return and she pays for some of her own things, all of her clothes, make-up, hair supplies, personal items, etc. My psychologist has encouraged me to bring her to see her so I did so this past week; now she has to find her own therapist. Focus on yourself; walk away from stressful situations if they do not involve you directly. It's hard, but you can do it!
    rosiemendo

    Answer by rosiemendo at 7:33 AM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I wonder if there is a physical reason for the rage. Sometimes people with certain disorders such as PTSD or even ADHD have issues with rage. People who are bi polar can have lots of rage. She may need medication to help her. There may be a physical underlying cause. Some women also have severe rage attacks because of hormonal issues. It would be worth having a full psychiatric check up in my opinion to rule out the need for medication. This means with a MD not just a PHD or MS.
    lilangilyn

    Answer by lilangilyn at 3:32 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Sorry you are in this situation but from the glowing report you give about her it sounds like you don't know the whole story.
    There must be some reason she is so angry.
    itsmesteph11

    Answer by itsmesteph11 at 6:50 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • she's an adult work carefully this situation...
    GlitteribonMom

    Answer by GlitteribonMom at 5:30 PM on Apr. 7, 2011

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