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4 Bumps

Addition to "is it fair to spend more on 1 child"

so last evening dh comes in and hands me a slip of paper with $4090 written on it...."whats this" "the amount i owe in back child support" (he works construction and gets laid off frequently - when he goes back we try to catch up but obviously never do) so now he wants to pay this off AND give money towards a car. WE DO NOT HAVE IT! We have 700 in savings, and a child still at home. I told him to up the support coming out of his check but he wants to take 2 paychecks a month and put on back support. He doesn't understand we live paycheck to paycheck.....he threw it in my face I had been "shoppiing" saturday. I threw the receipt at him.....i bought tp, papertowels, bread, and a candle! He never wants to know what the bills are....he doesn't even know what the house payment is even though I tell him EVERY month! I am so ready to walk......i cry as i type this....

 
brypmom

Asked by brypmom at 9:54 AM on Apr. 5, 2011 in Teens (13-17)

Level 17 (4,217 Credits)
This question is closed.
Answers (8)
  • He needs to understand he cant do it. I understand trying to take ALITTLE extra out for back support but you as a family cant survive if he does that. He needs to own up and sit down with you about the bills. Hugs mama
    Granolamama3795

    Answer by Granolamama3795 at 10:46 AM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I get it that he owes back child support, but he can't starve one family to pay off another. If he's not making enough to take care of both families he needs to look at a second job. Yelling at you for buying household necessities just shows he has no idea how finances should be run.

    scout_mom

    Answer by scout_mom at 2:12 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Money problems always bring out the worst in people. Share the bill info with him so he understands exactly where you stand. Hopefully you can come to an agreement together. good luck
    ochsamom

    Answer by ochsamom at 10:08 AM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • OMG,, I thought this was over and done with,, take a deep breath momma! Are you getting taxes back, so that he can catch up? I would tell him how does he expect for another 3,000 to appear? You can't give what you don't have,,surely he can understand you cannot do this,,,I am so sorry, but I would make a time to sit and do the bills with him together, my husband wants me to do the bills, and grouches at me when we don't have the money he thinks we should,,,you need to talk to your step daughter, and explain that you just don't have the money to get the car, surely at 17 she can realize this,,if not idk counseling?
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 10:14 AM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I can understand him wanting to pay a little extra to get caught up but NOT all at one time.
    L0vingMy3Girls

    Answer by L0vingMy3Girls at 10:17 AM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • As a mother who is owed over $5000 in back child support that I am getting $20 a month one, I think it is great that he wants to pay the money he owes (after all, her mother gives her at least a roof, food and clothes, even when her dad doesn't pay child support). Think about it this way, if you were owed the money for child support when your ex didn't pay, wouldn't you want it? On the other hand, I don't think he needs to help her buy a car too. That would be nice if ya'll had the extra money but clearly, you don't.
    JLS2388

    Answer by JLS2388 at 10:46 AM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Thanks ladies. Kimi - i so wish it was over.....we got a little back from taxes but that went to pay off dental bill of dh having emergency dental work.....and taxes came BEFORE this started :( don't it figure.

    @JLS my ex owed me 25k at one point but his was just from refusal to pay so I know what you mean. (that 25k (of which i didn't get all) went to my older boys college loans.....

    I have sat with him and went over bills....he then responds for about a week of shuttingoff every electronic in the house....he went so far to cancel cable and sign up for dish....which in the long run cosst us 3x more.......

    As for talking to sd......ha she doesn't even look at me let alone speak to me.....
    brypmom

    Comment by brypmom (original poster) at 10:59 AM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I have been thinking about you all day! I guess your just going to have to ask him, is this the hill you want to die on,, have the past years meant nothing to you? HE needs to decide what is most important,, and then you choose what you want to do from there,,,,surely he can do remodel work under the table to pay for the car,, but I would be DAMNED if my SD drove a better car than me,, and honestly you are a great person, I would have flipped my lid by now, and called spoiled kiddo over and have her take a look at the bank account,,,IDK momma, but you deserve to be treated better!!!
    kimigogo

    Answer by kimigogo at 3:10 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

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