Join the Meeting Place for Moms!
Talk to other moms, share advice, and have fun!

(minimum 6 characters)

2 Bumps

How do i get across a smart mouth 10 year old who plays her dad and myself against each other?

I'm the new step mom and I find it hard to get respect from my 10 year old step daughter. She seems to like to test me and see just how far she can go with me. I try to be her friend and get her to confide in me but now i think she sees me more like a friend than an adult figure. How do I put an end to her games?

Answer Question

Asked by PINKY718 at 12:17 PM on Apr. 5, 2011 in General Parenting

Level 2 (10 Credits)
Answers (6)
  • U and her dad need to stand united against her then she will stop. U can't be saying o.k. and then he says no to the same thing. U and her dad have to be together on everything then she will stop. Then she won't be able to take anyone for a ride.

    Answer by dancer at 12:22 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • You aren't her friend, you are an adult figure in her life. You created this, you wanted to be her friend and now she is treating you like one, how is she wrong?

    Answer by Anonymous at 12:23 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • You aren't her mom and she probably hates you a little because of that and then you add the pre-teen crap. I would have you and your hubby sit down and write down the rules and post it in an obvious spot with rewards and punishments. Let him and her be the primarily ones who come up with it all (so speak to him in depth before talking to her). This way she doesn't feel like you are just out to get her and she can't play either of you.

    THe being a confidant doesn't come till she is ready. Just keep it simple, ask her how her day was, if you have an errand and she is with you ask her an open ended, non loaded question, i.e., what would you like for dinner, we have x to make it with. THis lets her know you are interested in her without prying. If she wants to talk to you more then that let her lead and primarily listen, lots of uh ah, oh, nod head, the less you say the more she will.

    Answer by DevilInPigtails at 12:36 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • why not try to be her friend first before trying to take on a "parent role" right away.

    Answer by shay1130 at 1:02 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I thank you all for your input.

    Comment by PINKY718 (original poster) at 12:12 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • Stepmom or girlfiend.....I am confused. I bet the 10 year old is too

    Answer by ochsamom at 2:03 PM on Apr. 20, 2011

Join CafeMom now to contribute your answer and become part of our community. It's free and takes just a minute.