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Am i being to emotional??

Ok so my husband just got back from a deployment and i know the whole speel about it changes them and everything but i really didnt think it was gonna be like this. He walks WAY ahead of me everywhere we go he doesn't hold my hand anymore, he goes up to his "man-cave" and spends hours burning movies or making ta-50 chord bracelets. He also doesn't even tell me he's going to bed anymore he just goes in and goes to sleep. I know that this may sound silly to you but this is not like him he used to be constantly at my side very lovey dovey all the time and wanting to do things with me . He has even changed the way he dresses and talks. I just feel like he is pulling away from me and i don't know what to do. I have had conversations with him about it b/c i am trying not to make a big deal out of it but everytime i do he says he doesnt realize he's doing it and then goes right back to doing it. This is very new to me b/c i am not usually one of those girls that gets all emotional and never before have been the touchy-feely kinda girl. i feel lost b/c now that i am opening up more and showing my feelings i feel like he is pulling away. I am sorry this is so long and drawn out i just really needed to get it off my chest. Any thoughts?


Asked by amberpaiz at 12:31 PM on Apr. 5, 2011 in Relationships

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Answers (8)
  • No, you are not being overly emotional and this is real. Any time a person's behavior in the relationship changes, it signals something is going on. It might take time for him to adjust to being back. Maybe try reaching out to him and holding his hand, being extra affectionate. Just being understanding and loving even if he doesn't return it. It sounds like his head is still in the place where he was before returning home. Give him some time. It will be hard, but this is when you will have to be extra supportive and understanding even if it hurts.

    Answer by kathyartist2007 at 12:45 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Sounds like he has a BAD case of PTSD and he really should be talking to a Dr about it. The military actually does specialized counseling and support for PTSD now.

    Answer by vbruno at 12:33 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Your man has just returned from something more horrific than any of us will probably ever comprehend. My sister's bf did the walking in front of her thing, especially in public, because he got so trained to protect that he was looking for bombs left in bags and other places. Do you think your man might be doing that and not even realizing it? Hopefully, your man will recover quickly, but don't look at it as something you are doing wrong. Keep doing what you've always done and try to understand that he is in a very hard place on the inside. Be his soft place to fall, not one more thing to cause him to worry and be a source of angst. He has enough of that going on inside. Does his sargeant have to know that he's talking to someone?

    Answer by JawgaMom1 at 12:49 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Big internet *hugs* on hoping he'll be willing to seek someone off post for help, at least someone to chat to. I think its pretty wrong when people make fun of others for trying to get help if they know they need that help :/

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 12:56 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • i have mentioned that and he says he doesn't want to b/c other guys have done that and his sargent started treating him differently b/c he sought out help

    Comment by amberpaiz (original poster) at 12:36 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • That Sgt is a fucking asshole then. If your husband needs help, then he needs to get help! There are other ways of getting that help w/o going to see drs on base. See if he can go see someone off base, a preacher or someone who might be willing to keep it on the "down low", ya know?

    Answer by hopeandglory53 at 12:49 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • thanks that helps i guess i just needed some reassurance that this was something that just needed time or if he was really pulling away from me for some other reason.

    Comment by amberpaiz (original poster) at 12:49 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • yeah i was thinking about doing the off base thing so no one else needed to know i kinda get where he's coming from on that we keep hearing stories about other families that have reached out on post and been treated unfairly not just by there sargents but by fellows soldiers as well so i get his hesitaion to do so. He's also kinda hard headed when it comes to these things he thinks that he can solve all his own problems but i do think we need some outside help and even if not form him maybe me on how to address this in a positve and effective way

    Comment by amberpaiz (original poster) at 12:52 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

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