I need opinions from unbiased POVs. Thanks!
My fiance and I have been together 11 years. We met as teens and have made a life together and we have one child. We are both liberal thinkers and share a good amount of beliefs. I am more Unitarian and he is Christian raised but has a lot of agnostic ideas. We have not based our relationship on religion at all in 11 years. We want to get married to share our love and commitment with our family and friends and we can now afford it :) My fiance's uncle is a minister. We both care for him and thought it would be within the family tradition to ask him the honor of performing our ceremony. He said we would have to complete his pre marital counseling. We agreed and went. The first session, we had to answer religious questions and about our beliefs. My fiance said he is Christian and gave the impression that he believes in the bible 100% just so not to upset his uncle. I was honest about my beliefs and the fact that I do not accept the bible as 100% truth and I do not believe in the trinity or that Jesus was holy. His uncle did not like this, was very upset and kind of had a mocking type attitude toward my belief. He also said if we were to be married, I would have to let my fiance be head of household and make the decisions and speak for the family etc. When I would not aggree and said we run our relationship as 100% equal and together, he said I would have to agree to submit. We went back for the second session and he was nicer but he asked me " So you still don't believe in our Lord Jesus?" When I said I believe in Jesus and his teachings but not that he was an incarnation of God, he explained how he cannot go against his beliefs and marry a non Christian to a Christian. BUT he said since I was saved as a child and raised Christian, he thinks he can work with us but he needs another session. I kind of feel that if we didn't have a child and I hadn't been a part of the family for over a decade, his uncle would just tell him you shouldn't marry a non Christian.
I do not want a religious ceremony and my fiance doesn't care as long as he can state his own vows. I don't think his uncle will do a non religious ceremony which is what I have been planning on for years. I do not think we will have the freedom to plan our marriage the way we want because his uncle is very adamant about having a biblical marriage and neither one of us want that. Our relationship has been about love, equality and commitment not because a book said, but because of our love for each other. We want to raise our child learning about religious ideas but let her make her own choice as well. I also do not want his uncle going outside of his beliefs to make his nephew happy etc. I don't think this situation is going to work out well and I am struggling not to stress out about having a marriage ceremony I want or pleasing a family member. I don't want my fiance put in the middle either. What is the best way to approach the situation?
Asked by Anonymous at 12:49 PM on Apr. 5, 2011 in Religion & Beliefs
Answer by jujubean1979200 at 4:23 PM on Apr. 5, 2011
Answer by Renee3K at 12:55 PM on Apr. 5, 2011
Tell him you can't go against your beliefs either. Thank him for his time and find someone else to perform the ceremony.
Answer by beeky at 1:05 PM on Apr. 5, 2011
Answer by Freela at 3:51 PM on Apr. 5, 2011
Answer by ObbyDobbie at 4:07 PM on Apr. 5, 2011
Answer by okmommy08 at 1:01 PM on Apr. 5, 2011
Answer by anng.atlanta at 1:18 PM on Apr. 5, 2011
Answer by lilangilyn at 3:18 PM on Apr. 5, 2011
Answer by Eek_a_Geek at 5:01 PM on Apr. 5, 2011
The fact that your fiance lied so easily to his uncle is a HUGE red flag. Please consider real couples counseling before going further.
Also, think long and hard about the difference between BEING married and GETTING married.
Answer by rkoloms at 5:19 AM on Apr. 6, 2011