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How to discipline children who don't care?

My 8 yo is sitting here saying "screw you" and "your stupid" and my 6 yo is screaming at me because I didn't' say "what" the first time she said "mom". They are driving me crazy. They don't play with any toys, video games, or tv. So grounded them or taking anything away doesn't do anything. They REFUSE time out. 5 hours of putting them in time out and they still won't stay! Usually while I am trying to put one in time out, the other is beating on me or doing something else bad. They were both in intense in home therapy for 9 months and they said there was nothing else they could do. They had no ideas of how I could discipline these kids. Some days I just want to beat them. I try to play a game with them and before we even play for one minute they are throwing the game pieces at each other or at me. Please give me some ideas...

 
Anonymous

Asked by Anonymous at 2:57 PM on Apr. 5, 2011 in School-Age Kids (5-8)

This question is closed.
Answers (13)
  • SUPERNANNY..LOL I can not even imagine for a moment my child saying screw you or your stupid,, my shoe would have to be surgically removed from his mouth..lol and if he ever hit me...oh my the sky would turn colors and the devil would run in fear..lol Anyway, if time out takes 5 hours try 5 hours more, be persistent, talk to school counselors, I'm not a fan of soap in the mouth, especially with your children already hitting you, that struggle could get ugly. Try telling them here's the deal, Saturday (or whenever) we can go here, if you have no problems this week,, praise good behavior, A LOT. Good luck!
    JenzAmomOf2

    Answer by JenzAmomOf2 at 3:11 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • A bit of soap in the mouth will stop bad words. Ill bet you he Will care about it then. A little ivory bar soap never killed any kid. Perhaps intense psychological therapy for your kids is needed. I wish I had better advice to give you, but your issues are beyond even me.
    vbruno

    Answer by vbruno at 3:00 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • What type of intensive in home therapy was it? From where? I have a hard time understanding they gave up on children who clearly must NEED treatment and what are they being treated for?
    maxsmom11807

    Answer by maxsmom11807 at 3:15 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I would start by focusing on the physical abuse that YOU are suffering from. That has to be stopped. If they continue to be violent with you, then they could end up being violent in school and eventually abusive in a marriage or relationship. I reccommend learning a safe restraint technique. I've worked in a number of adolescent facilities, and this was very effective in preventing children from harming themselves or others. Check out the Primary Restraint Technique (PRT) website or the Basket Hold Technique. Take a class so that you can learn how to use the hold safely without causing injury. They will also teach de-escalation techniques in those classes so you'll learn how to avoid escalated situations, and how to process with your children after the situation has neutralized. Once the physical behavior has subsided, you can focus on a reward system that will highlight good behavior, instead of the negative
    kenzie07

    Answer by kenzie07 at 3:35 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Oh, I do want to stress that a restraint hold should NEVER be used as a disciplinary tool. It should ONLY be used to prevent a child from hurting himself or another person. :-)
    kenzie07

    Answer by kenzie07 at 3:38 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • my 9 year old is trying to do the same thing with SO and I but we aren't allowing it; we take away privileges from him and that seems to help sometimes but not always; and he has a younger brother that is watching everything he does and says and has been trying to get away with some things also and we don't put up with it from him either; be persistent and talk to the school counselors and get a second opinion about the therapy they were receiving
    Christmaslver68

    Answer by Christmaslver68 at 3:41 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Recruit within family help. Say from your parents; your husband side of the family and relatives who know your children.
    musicmom08

    Answer by musicmom08 at 9:37 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • "They don't play with any toys, video games, or tv."

    What do they do then?
    maxswolfsuit

    Answer by maxswolfsuit at 10:02 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Ok first off, I find it hard to believe they got this rude overnight. I need to place this load on your parenting skills, or lack thereof. I am NOT bashing or trying to be a bitch, just help you understand...YOU are the parent, THEY are the children. It is now going to take some Hurculean effort for you to get that into their heads. You may even want to seek some family counseling. No way in hell should they ever be allowed to speak to you in this manner! Totally UNACCEPTABLE! They would have zero in my home, no tv, phone, nothing. It sounds as if your kids may have some issues needing to be addressed by a professional, I would put them in therapy and keep them there.
    salexander

    Answer by salexander at 10:47 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • It was by a group of therapists recommended by CPS. CPS got involved because the girls refuse to do their homework and are also awful at school. They have been to psychiatrists. One daughter (the 8yo) has ADHD and my 6yo is bipolar. The therapists came to my home 12 hours a week to work on parenting techniques to help their behavior. There was no difference for 4 months and then my 6yo was started on medication. Her violent outbursts lessened from 10+ times a day to 1-2 times a day. That was the only improvement. They were kind of like Supernanny. They had me to a schedule, write the rules on posterboard, blah blah. Nothing helped. I stayed with it for 9 full months.
    Anonymous

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 3:34 PM on Apr. 5, 2011