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3 Bumps

Howold you disicpline her ?

My 4 year old daughter is usually good, however when she doesnt feel good she turns into a brat, and today is proof of that.

I babysit a 6 year old boy after school for about an hour everyday ( today was an early out so he was here for about 3 hours) .... My daughter kept complaining because he kept messing up her toys ( she cleaned her room by herself last night) and he dumped out her 2 toy boxes and then changed her barbie's clothes ... which set her off she was mad because she had to "fix them" ....

His mom came to get him and say and we talked about things for a few mintues like we usually do when my daughter said " I dont want Ryan to come here anymore" ... so I told her to stop and that isnt nice.... and she kept saying he keeps messing up her stuff and she doesnt want me to watch him anymore .... I kept telling her to stop and told her she is going to time out and tried to get her to say she was sorry but wouldnt... and then started crying as soon as they walked out...

I am so embarrassed, and I feel bad because he heard her say those things and I dont want his mom to think he is going to get treated differently or whatnot...

I was thinking that I am going to call and make her tell him she is sorry over the phone but yet she said she wont say it, so I dont want to call and her not say it.....I know she did it because she is a grump who doesnt feel good ( she usually likes him around) ..... and I tried to explain to his mom that she just doesnt feel good and she is braty with her brother too....

would you do anything farther or just let it go ?

Answer Question

Asked by Anonymous at 3:46 PM on Apr. 5, 2011 in Parenting Debate

Answers (13)
  • tell her she needs to apologize to him and his mother for saying what she said, if she doesn't, then maybe you could give her some kind of chore?

    Answer by febmom007 at 3:49 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • The other mom should be understanding of the situation. Little kids say stuff they don't mean. You told the boy's mom that your daughter was grumpy and that should be enough. Sometimes, my 4 yr old son will fight with his cousin, they cry and say the other one is being mean, then the next day they are friends again. As long as you told her it's not nice to say things like that, it should be ok.

    Answer by nmmama09 at 3:49 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I would let it go. 4 year olds don't handle change very well, and for someone to come in (especially an older child) and disrupt her space with no regard to her feelings, it's tough. Even as adults, it's hard to handle someone who doesn't listen to you or changes your things around without permission. I understand she needs to listen to you (of course she does!) but from what you say I don't think she is *trying* to be disrespecful, I think she is just trying to be heard.
    It's tough. You want the other child to feel welcome in your home, and I know it's embarrassing when your children don't get along with someone elses, but your daughter has valid reason (in a 4 year olds eyes) for not wanting him around. I wouldn't say kick the boy out, but I wouldn't be too hard on your kiddo either. Maybe find some more constructive ways for him to entertain himself while he is over, without wrecking her room.

    Answer by MsKylaSkyy at 3:52 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I think that you are in the wrong. you said that he's going into her room and dumping out her toys, where are you when this is going on? do you let him do it? if he's doing this while your attention is elsewhere, then it sounds like he's not being supervised and his mother probably should know about that.

    your daughter is voicing her feelings and sick or not, when I was a kid I never said I was sorry if I wasn't either. I sat in the corner plenty of times for it myself, but I'm the same way as a adult. I don't believe in false apologies.

    I think your daughter has a point, sounds like this little boy is not being supervised properly, his mother should probably know when he acts out, and your daughter is right to not want him touching her things.

    Is there no toys there that he can play with that don't belong to her? I think you need to take a look at this situation!

    Answer by Anonymous at 3:52 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • If she doesnt feel good why punish her for something she probably did because she felt awful? I would talk to her like you did and explain that even if she didnt feel good being mean is never the answer. She may also feel like you arent paying attention to her when he is there. It is very normal for them to feel that way too.

    Answer by gemgem at 3:55 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Anon -- he is supervised.... just because he dumps out toys doesnt mean I am not watching him ----- it means I am letting him play with the toys , it isnt acting out, both of my kids do the same thing. he will dump them out and then sit there and play with the toys he found from the bottom

    My daughter will play with others kids toys when we go places, she changes her friend's dolls clothes and its fine... I dont want her to think that she can be mean to another kid just because she doesnt feel good.... I mean I do "baby" her more when she doesnt feel good, but she was squealing and even called him stinky ( which to a 4 year old , means she is calling him something mean) .... her being sick isnt an excuse to be mean.... otherwise whenever I have a cold I would be cussing out everyone who crossed me without a second though.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:00 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • my mom ran a in home daycare when I was growing up. My mom recognised that we needed our own space. So our bedrooms where off limits to the daycare kids.  Your DD worked hard on her rm, it's understandable that she was upset. 


    Answer by Lynette at 4:03 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Also I pick up the toys that he dumps out .....

    and I understand her being up if he would jsut come in to destroy her room.... but 2 days ago she was helping him do the same thing , laughing and having fun as they did it.... and then when he does it by himself she thinks he should be in trouble... i have been watching him for about a year and they have always done this ( make messes together)

    I love my daughter and i will most always take her side but I just feel like if I let this go, that is just showing her that it is ok to act that way - when it never is, even when you dont feel good.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 4:03 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I would just apologize to the mother and explain your daughter was grumpy and not feeling well and then just leave it at that.

    I would have your daughter apologize to Ryan next time she sees him. Just let her know that it isn't nice to say those things about people. Ask her how she would feel if Ryan was saying that about her.

    Then have her pick out toys that are special to her. She is responsible for keeping those items in her room during the time Ryan is there. Her room is her limits to Ryan.

    Answer by cheekycherub at 4:14 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Your daughter is acting out because it's HER stuff he's messing with. You said SHE cleaned up her room and HE came and dumped the toy boxes out. Of course she has a right to be mad! You're not putting boundaries up...take a few toys that he can play with and help him put them away before he leaves. Anyway, if you've already apologized to the mom and son, then that should be it. You've already punished her, why punish her even more?

    Answer by Droyal14u at 4:37 AM on Apr. 6, 2011

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