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2 Bumps

Getting Cold Feet

Hi ladies I am getting married soon and I am starting to get cold feet. I am second guessing myself an really cannot stop thinking that I might be making a mistake. If me and DF would have gotten married 2 years ago there wouldn't be a doubt in my mind that I was doing the right thing. We have been engaged for several years now and I have been looking for this day to come, but now that is so near i am scare. You see a year ago I found out that my DF was flirting with a girl for almost a year. I basically caught him and confronted him, he swears that nothing happened it was just them innocently flirting and nothing else and nothing would have happened because he loves me. The girl he was texting with even said it was innocent and nothing did happened. After I found out he broke all ties with her, he stopped calling and texting her. I a month later I see on the phone bill that he called her, I confronted him about it and he told me he never called and he even swore. The next day after me insisting it was bs and just tell me the truth he finally told me he did call her but she did not answer. My thing is how can I believe him now that nothing happened when he swore and then confess basically that he had lied. How can I be sure he is telling the truth and not hiding anything else. I have asked him several times it anything else happened, kiss, sex , etc. and he swears non of that happened. There wee times I would call him during lunch and he would not answer and I asked him was it because he was with her. He said yes and the reason he did not answer is because he did not want me to know he was with someone else. Him not answering the phone "while at lunch" with her makes me be very suspicious. They could have been having sex and he did not want me to be suspicious maybe by the way he was breathing or answering the phone.

He has changed a lot in a good way and has not given me a reason to be suspicious about his actions since the call, which is close to a year. We go out together every weekend and we talk, kiss, cuddle and have a great time together. he is doing really great. I am even trusting him a little. But in the back of my mind I cannot stop to think that he is hiding something.I don't want to get married and then find out he did sleep with her.

Any advice would be great....
PS. I have asked him but he still denies anything else went on. If you have any questions I will try to answer in the post. Thanks ladies


Asked by Anonymous at 5:00 PM on Apr. 5, 2011 in Relationships

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • This is really up to you. If you think that you have the potential to trust him and let all of that go and still be happy, then staying with him will be a good thing.. If you can't trust him or let it go, there may be problems that could surface later and by then you would have to go through a lot more than just leaving (divorce, etc.) You could always talk to him and talk about extending the engagement/postponing the wedding until you are sure about the choices that you are making. Marriage isn't something to be taken so lightly. I wish you luck in finding the right path for you.

    Answer by bdflykisses at 5:05 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I know that once you have been through something like that, it's hard to trust again, but, it's needed. You need to believe him and trust him. If you keep questioning him, it's going to make him mad. He may be fully honest with you, and he could be telling the truth, and he's looking for you to believe him. Sure he messed up with flirting with her, but he's trying to move on, so you should too. I know it's not easy, but, you may be making it harder on him if you keep questioning him. If you aren't sure about getting married, I'd talk to him and tell him your worries. Y'all need to work through this, and find out what's going to work for you guys. Either you'll forgive him and y'all will get married, and things will be good, or you'll get married, and things will be tense because of the questioning. OR...You won't get married and you'll regret it. I encourage you to talk to him, and y'all work through it. ((hugs))

    Answer by My_Guys_Rule at 5:18 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • only you know if you think you can faith and trust in him again. yeah it will hurt if you were to ever find out he did do something while you were engaged, will you divorce him because of that or forgive him? i have to be honest here, men will stray, just like women but men do it to get a thrill. i've talked to men online (married and single) and i tell you this, it doesn't matter if he is gettng fulfilled at home, he will stray because he can and have no guilt about it. i don't want to say you shouldn't marry this man, that's up to you. But what you do want to ask yourself is can you honestly have trust in him. do you want to spend the rest of your life with this man and god forbid you should find out the truth will you forgive and want to save your marriage. if you can't then don't get married or put it off more. good luck to you

    Answer by lucky35 at 12:45 PM on Apr. 6, 2011

  • i would not marry him. if i cannot trust a man 1000% i will not go through with it. he has proven to be a liar in the past, so it is not just your mind "playing tricks on you." it bothers me that after he "cut ties with her" he still went behind your back and called her.. that is a big red flag and it is disrespectful because he knows that you do not like it. he sounds like a sneaky person. if you did not check the phone bill and found out he called her yet AGAIN, he would never have told you. so you have to ask yourself, what else do i NOT know??

    Answer by gwen20 at 6:57 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • i wouldn't marry a guy i wasn't absolutely sure i wanted to be with forever. if he has given you reasons to not trust or doubt him in the past then who's to say he won't do it again? he lied about calling her. he lied about not making contact with her anymore. he didn't answer his phone while on lunch. because he was with her. it seems fishy to me. he seems to be sneaky and hiding things from you. if she doesn't mean anything then why doesn't he want you to know?

    Answer by xavierlogan09 at 8:01 PM on Apr. 5, 2011