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Should i sister tell her son about his dad when he is older?

She asked me this the other day. My nephew will be 3 in July so of course it wont be for a while. And maybe she should tell if he asks (I don't know), but this is the thing. My sister had a baby by this guy that left her when he found out she was pregnant and denyed being the dad my sister went for a DNA and he never showed. So to me if he doesn't show he must know he is the dad. But anyway, she has a boyfriend that has been in his life since he was 2 months old. So of course he calls this guy dad and this guy suports him (they aren't married someday though). But she asked me if she should tell him when he is old enough or should she not say anything at all (if this guy doesn't ever come around) what do you think? Also her boyfriend would love to adopt him someday. I told her that she needs to go get ahold of him and tell him to sign over his rights and if he denys then to tell him she is going to go after him for child support then I think he would give up his rights, but she said he probably wouldn't do it anyway. I told her that he would go to jail then she said that he would probably go to jail she said he doesn't mind sitting in jail he has been in jail before. What do you think? Also if he is in jail and refuses to pay child suport can they make him give up his rights?


Asked by Anonymous at 6:07 PM on Apr. 5, 2011 in General Parenting

This question is closed.
Answers (5)
  • She needs to be honest with him, once he is older. If there is any medical history on his dads upside that might affect him later, he needs to know that his moms boyfriend isn't his real dad.

    Answer by BabyBugsmama at 6:09 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I don't think they'd make him give up his rights for sitting in jail. I do know that if her bf wants to adopt the kid someday, they will have to actively look for the bio dad and if he's found he has to consent and if he's not after valid attempts and a certain amount of time they will grant it anyway.
    As far as telling the kid... my mom told me about my bio dad when I was 7, the day that my mom's husband adopted me, so I could better understand what was going on. I have been very grateful to my mom for being honest with me and not keeping it from me. I searched for my bio dad when I was 21 and found out I had 2 brothers and a sister from him and he never told them about me. They were more hurt from not knowing all their lives that they had family being kept from them.
    I don't communicate with bio dad, but I am so glad my mom was honest with me.
    If I were her, I would tell him and let him make up his own mind about it.

    Answer by bdflykisses at 6:15 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • I mean even if they were married by that time? My mom and dad never told me I found out when I was 11 and got married at 21 and had a hardtime getting my social security card because my mom told me my last name was (my maiden name) and then it says all n ames used on the application so I put that name and my mom s name when she had me (I was adopted by my moms husband) and they kept sending it back when I asked my mom what my name was at birth she told me it was her name but oviously it wasn't and my grandma told me it was (my adopted dads last name) and always has been but it still didn't work so I put in my bio dads last name and it went through. But if I never new that I wouldn't have been able to get a new card.

    Comment by Anonymous (original poster) at 6:19 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • she should tell him the truth. the earlier the better. parents need to be honest with their kids about these things. the child will still feel loved by his step/adopted dad.

    Answer by gwen20 at 6:24 PM on Apr. 5, 2011

  • Wow, that sounds so much like my story ten years ago. My dh has been raising my dd but early in our relationship we both decided not to lye to he. She knows hes out there. She even has two pictures of him. Recently I can't help but feel like it back fired on me. Shes turning 11 this month and she wants to meet him. For two days now I've been searching for the man that left me years ago. I love my dd and I would do anything for her. I did find his brother. That's how the choose I made of not lying to her ended up. If you do lye he might never go looking, I don't know what would of been best.

    Answer by Kimberly71682 at 7:20 PM on Apr. 5, 2011